


The Fire after the War

by 1VariousStorms1



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Depression, F/F, Mental Health Issues, Social Anxiety, Warnings May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-17 14:51:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 38,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4670804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1VariousStorms1/pseuds/1VariousStorms1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anthy searches the world for her wayward hero and finds her in the Windy City.  Utena is older now, with a job and a family and a life of her own.  Yet even after nine years of separation, the feelings sparked between them in Ohtori have not faded, and they soon find themselves entangled in each other once again.  However, being free doesn't guarantee a perfect life, and the real world can be especially harsh for wounded people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pepper Spray and How It Can Improve Your Love Life Fast

Chapter 1: Pepper Spray and How it Can Improve Your Love Life Fast

Anthy Himemiya had never been to Chicago before she stepped the plane at the O'Hare International Airport. She had been to America, sure, one or two centuries ago, but that had been in the Southeast, among cotton plantations and hard stares. 21st Century Chicago was markedly different from that. No fields to be seen, only large buildings and skyscrapers, and the stares, while equal in number, were less hard and more…

Well, Anthy wouldn't dwell on that. She pulled her chic green jacket tighter and turned up the heat in her shiny rental car. It was November, and here in the middle of North America the air was chilled as though in a freezer, and very windy to boot. The witch supposed she should have expected it. Chicago was, according to the cute little tourist website she had looked on, the Windy City. Still, another notch up on the temperature dial wouldn't hurt anyone. It had never been cold in Ohtori, not really. Or, maybe it had, and she had just never noticed (which was very possible). Either way, she wasn't prepared for this, but she would make do.

She drove with solemn caution into the city proper, vigilantly watching the other cars for signs of reckless behavior while also struggling to remember the directions to her hotel. Her hands squeezed the steering wheel tightly, and her knuckles turned a strange pasty color with the force of her grip. She didn't like being downtown. It was the same in every city, overflowing with people and noises, strange smells and colors and shapes. The textures of steel and concrete; she had surely felt them before, but never with such… intensity. She never got used to it, either, and she always felt such relief when she left to search elsewhere.

Anthy forced herself to take a few deep breaths and relax her hands. They were starting to hurt, and she knew from experience that if she didn't get hold of herself then she would have a panic attack. With considerable will power and self control, learned over centuries, she beat back her negative thoughts. She couldn't break down here, not while she was driving at least. Waiting at a slow traffic light, she shut her eyes and waited for her heart rate to return to normal. A peep came from her purse, and then ChuChu appeared. He jumped onto her shoulder and pressed his small paws against her neck, cheeping soothingly.

"I'll be alright, ChuChu," she said with a sigh. "Better when we get to the hotel."

Which they did, and in one piece too. Anthy parked and turned off the car, ready at once to hand the keys to the valet who opened her door. He gave her the instructions on checking in and getting her car back, and she stumbled through her thank you's in a way that made him smile, as though he found her cute. When she could, she escaped inside. Skies, she needed to be alone where she could breathe easy and think. There really were far too many people here.

The lobby was bright and clean, but she had trouble appreciating its touted, artful mix of historic and modern style. She wrung the straps of her purse nervously as she struggled to work up the courage to go to the front desk. ChuChu was safely hidden from sight. He couldn’t comfort her here. Gritting her teeth, she steeled herself with some effort, and walked. Information and money were exchanged for a key, and then she escaped to the elevator and eventually to her room. Inside, she leaned back against the door and shut her eyes. She rubbed her temples and spent a minute just breathing. It fixed the most immediate problem, but she knew she would need time before she could muster the energy to leave again.

With a sigh, she settled on the bed, placing her singular suitcase next to her. ChuChu hopped into her lap, and she petted his head while cursing herself internally. In nine years almost nothing had changed. When she had left Ohtori and her brother behind, changing her life so radically, she had thought (foolishly) that she could change anything and everything else she wanted with just as much ease. However, reality served a quick and effective slap in the face that dispelled this optimism. Fear and anxiety held like a vice around her heart and mind, leaving her crippled and thoroughly underequipped to deal with modern society.

It was a most unfair disability. When she was around one person or a small group of people, Anthy could be as poised and charming as she had always been, but any number of people larger than twelve and she could no longer keep her cool, collected demeanor. Her thoughts would become erratic and irrational, her heart rate would increase, and she would start to sweat. If she didn't get away, she would often begin to tremble and fidget. Skies forbid she had to talk to someone, because then she either couldn't work up the nerve or she stammered her way awkwardly through the conversation, making a complete fool of herself. Frankly, it was disgusting, and she was disgusted with herself for still being that way nine years later.

Maybe she should see someone about it. Apparently, there were people in the real world called psychologists, and supposedly they helped other people overcome problems like hers. Anthy was, of course, wary of anyone who claimed wanting to "help" other people, but still… it might be worth some research in the future.

Now though, there was no time for such things. She had come to Chicago for a reason, the same reason she had traveled to every other city in the world. To find Utena Tenjou. Yes, even after nine years of diligent, desperate searching she still had not found her wayward hero. It was infuriating. She _knew_ that Utena was alive _somewhere_. Her certainty about this was unshakeable. The "where" was the still unsolved problem. The normal methods Anthy would have used to find Utena had proven useless. Scrying and divination were the first things she had tried and they had given her nothing at all. She had gathered all of Utena's earthly possessions and had tried with each of them to feel her way to her beloved through the bond they shared. Still nothing. Three years were wasted on these ventures, and, feeling outmatched and humiliated by reality, Anthy resigned herself to the manual method of scouring the world in person. Thank the skies, earth, and oceans that some of her powers still worked, giving her access to unlimited funds and means of transport. Otherwise, she never would have made it out of Asia.

Meticulously, she searched the seemingly innumerable cities in the seemingly innumerable nations of the modern world, getting information by any means necessary. She bribed policemen, hired private investigators, and wound her way through the seedy underbelly of civilized society on more occasions than she could count. She spoke to government officials and criminals alike, racking up favors and maybe even earning something of a name for herself to be whispered among elites and undesirables of all kinds. It's possible she helped smuggle drugs across the border once or twice. It's possible that she helped a minor politician run his competitors out of the race by either finding or planting evidence of foul play. It's also possible that she became complicit in several acts of espionage, and almost single-handedly brought about the recent implosion of the communist regime of North Korea. She didn't think she could be blamed for that last one though when they _clearly_ shot first when she just wanted to talk to them.

All of this in the name of information, in the name of her quest. It had all proved worthless until just recently. 8 years into her exhausting and exhaustive hunt, she remembered one final magical procedure that might help her. Abruptly filled with renewed vigor, she briefly changed course and set out for India. Once upon a time, when human beings were struggling to build the most basic of belief systems and philosophies to understand the cosmos, the primitive peoples of undivided South Asia revered a mountain deep in the jungle. This mountain had several caves in it, and the top most cave, set near the peak of the mountain, contained something of unprecedented power and importance. A kind of divination that had long since been forgotten by humanity, but surely still existed in that sacred space. Anthy went there, parsing out hidden scraps of knowledge about its location and how to get inside. It was the most difficult job she had undertaken thus far, for the legends of the mountain were so old and obscure these days that even the most obsessed scholars knew nothing or almost nothing about it. It took a full year to find it. Consequentially, it was the longest she had ever stayed in one place since leaving Ohtori.

Anthy remembered the extensive preparation process, which involved three weeks religious devotion to meditation and ritual, the forging of a ceremonial knife, and then finally the five day trek on foot through the jungle and up the mountain…

_She remembered finally reaching the cave and being struck by a sudden and severe sense of nostalgia and grief. The path up the entrance was flanked by a series of worn standing stones. If you were to peel back the moss and vines and scrub away the dirt, you might be able to see lines in the stones, the eroded details of an intricate series of carvings meant to protect and provide courage and wisdom to all who sought answers within the temple beyond. Anthy had felt a knot in her throat and an uncomfortable burning in her eyes. She remembered when those carvings were new._

_Pushing past it, however, she had continued, entering the impenetrable darkness of the ancient grotto. She had not been afraid. A human almost certainly would be when they felt the weight of that pregnant blackness on their shoulders. Anthy, however, walked forward with confidence, and eventually, she found light. Outside the cave, it was the middle of the night, but the moon was at its zenith, illuminating the space within the mountain via the strange, naturally made hole in the summit._

_In the center of the cavern was a large stone bowl set low to the ground. It was empty and plain, yet it emanated a pulsing energy that left Anthy's skin tingling. Here was a thing even older than she, though not by much. As such, it was operated and protected by Old Magic, the energy of the primordial cosmos that lower beings such as humans were only just beginning to glimpse. She knelt to pay her respects._

_A sound of chains rattling made her look up, her shoulders straightening and her muscles tensing. From one of the dark corners emerged a chimera of a creature. Its legs were those of a man's, its arms were the wings was a wyvern, its chest was covered in white fur and tiger stripes, and its neck and head were that of a great serpent. The chains Anthy had heard were wrapped around its human legs. The metal, from a place beyond this world, surely had a name once upon a time, but she couldn't recall it._

_This creature was the Guardian of this place, as immortal and long-lived as she. That it was chained meant that it hadn't volunteered to be the Guardian, but rather was forced to take the job due to the mandate of a higher power. She pitied it, but was careful not to show that pity on her face._

_It appraised her with glowing yellow eyes, forked tongue flicking out. Then it spoke. "You have not prepared a sacrifice. You have no business here."_

_Silently, Anthy retrieved the ceremonial knife from the sheath that hung around her waist. "I have what it is required," she responded coolly._

_The Guardian regarded her with open curiosity. Its tongue flicked out again. "Ah, I see. Very Well. You may ask your question." Job performed, it retreated back into its corner. Left in peace at last, Anthy turned her attention back to the task at hand. She pulled out a small lighter too and lit it under the knife in her other hand. She murmured an incantation in a language lost to time, repeating it over and over until the blade was the right temperature, hot but not enough to cauterize a wound. That was tricky, but she'd practiced plenty of times of the past month._

_She pocketed the lighter and, heated blade in hand, slashed her own wrist, unwilling to waste any more time. No need for a sacrifice when you were skilled at being one already. She held her arm over the bowl and repeated the incantation again, the volume of her voice rising gradually with the level of blood in the bowl, until it was nearly full and she was shouting with all her might._

_She knew that it was finished when the color in the stone changed. That is to say, it lost all color entirely and became as clear as water. Anthy smiled proudly. The ritual had gone exactly as planned, and now she could get what she had come for._

_She spoke, and as she spoke, she thought about Utena, and all the things that had happened between them. Battles won and lost, whispered conversations at night in adjoining beds, hands and bodies touching again and again (never forceful, always sweet), blood and pain, tears and confessions, laughter and delight, betrayal, horror, shock, and ultimately, salvation. So many things she had never known, or hadn't experienced in longer than memory. All of these memories she replayed in her mind, pushing all of them into her words. She spoke. "Where is Utena Tenjou, Calyx concealing the essence of Heaven above, Duelist, Hero, Lover, Beloved, Blade of Reckoning, Champion against Temptation, Fire of the Revolution, and Keeper of my Heart?"_

_Silence followed her query. Anthy waited. Silence prevailed. Still she waited, and her patience paid off. Abruptly, the surface of the once crimson pool rippled and began to swirl. Anthy peered into it expectantly. After a minute or two, an image besides that of her face formed in the reflection. It took several seconds to fully coalesce._

_When it did, Anthy saw fire. She recoiled in surprise, almost falling over. Righting herself, she looked at it again. Still fire, lots of it in fact, but now that the shock had passed, she could see other things as well. Buildings, streets flooded with people and fire trucks. Yes, that made sense. A building was on fire, a place called Willem and Hobbes, Attorneys at Law. She peered closer and saw a street sign in English and a building in the distance taller than any she had seen before, taller than the Akio's tower by a long stretch. The fire was getting bigger, eclipsing everything else in view. Anthy scrambled to find any other significant details. Windows. People's jackets. The red of the nearest fire engine. And then, nothing. The image faded away as quickly as it had appeared, and then the bowl was empty and spotlessly clean. There was nothing left but the light of the moon above._

_Anthy sighed. She shouldn't feel disappointed. Really this was a magnificent triumph, especially compared to all her other efforts. She had a place, names to research, and a distinct marker to guide her steps. She just… wished that she could have caught even a single glimpse of Utena herself. One couldn’t have everything, she supposed. Not here in the real world._

_Still, this was a success. This was **victory**. Anthy left the sacred cave and descended the mountain feeling that victory every step of the way. After a year of atrophy, her search could continue with renewed vitality, and surely would be ending soon._

Back in the present, Anthy smiled as she remembered that feeling. She felt much better now. She had discovered in her new freedom that happy memories didn't hurt to think about anymore. It was amazing what a little bit of hope could do to change a person's outlook on their life. And here in this city, she had a lot of hope. Upon her return to civilization from the hidden places of the Old World, she had immediately found the most stable internet connection and searched. The law firm she had seen and the street name turned up the name, Chicago. A little more research and she found that unimaginably tall building, the Sears Tower. Indeed, Akio would be quite envious of this place if he ever saw it. Discarding any and all notions of patience she had had a week before, she had rushed to book the next flight to the U.S.

Looking back, she pitied the poor man or woman who dared try to figure out her financial records or answer the question of why she could keep swiping her credit card without paying a single bill for it. Oh well. She'd mail them a cake one day.

ChuChu started to make noise in her lap. He jumped up and down, chirping expectantly at her. "You just had a snack on the plane," she told him firmly. He wouldn't budge. Instead, he became more insistent, demanding that they find a place to eat, preferably one with corned beef. Anthy rolled her eyes. "You know, you've gained a lot of weight since we went to Europe," she groused even as she got up. His tail flicked cheekily in response.

Anthy went to the mirror and fixed her hair and jacket, maybe for longer than necessary, but eventually she was satisfied and she grabbed her purse, her pet, and her room key before heading out the door.

The lobby was still crowded, but with clenched fists and a tense jaw she strode to the rotating glass doors. The outside was just as loud and overbearing as she had left it, but she had work to do. She'd get something to eat for ChuChu and head to the Hall of Records for a day of tedious but hopefully fruitful research. Depending on what she found, she would divide her time efficiently to cover as much ground as possible. ChuChu would object, mostly because her packed schedules rarely left time for eating, but he would go along with it for his friend, as always.

The Hall of Records, and if not that then the nearest internet café, then most likely to the post office, then another post office, or possibly a university. Utena wouldn't be in college, but maybe graduate school? Of course, Utena had never been the smartest person at Ohtori, far from it in fact, but reality changed people, didn't it? Thinking about that made her sad, and she was so distracted by this sadness that she was oblivious to the woman in the leather jacket with flowing pink hair until she grabbed Anthy's arm. The witch was so on edge that she acted purely on defensive instinct, whipping out her small bottle of pepper spray and letting it loose right in the other woman's face.

"FUCKING SHIT!!" Anthy saw whirls of pink and black as Utena Tenjou reeled away from her, holding her hands to her eyes, and cursing at the top of her lungs. "Fuckie fuck FUCK!! OOOWWWW!!"

The bottle of spray hit the ground along with Anthy's jaw. She stood there stunned and speechless, her mouth open like a fish's. It took several eternal seconds of watching the most important person in her life flail around and cuss before she could come up with something better to do than just stand there frozen. "U-Utena?" She asked, forcing her lips at last to form coherent sounds.

"Ugghh, Anthy, what the hell?! That was fucking PEPPER SPRAY, God in Heaven!" Utena was bent over, still clutching at her face and crying out. Passerbys were watching the whole spectacle with interest.

"I-I'm sorry, s-s-so sorry, Utena-sama!" Anthy found she could move, and she put her arms around Utena's hunched form and hurriedly escorted her off the sidewalk and into a back lot safe from prying eyes. With shaking hands, she rubbed the other woman's back in a silly attempt to soothe her, all while listening to the soft, vehement oaths coming out of Utena's mouth in sets of four or five at a time. "I don't know what you need, I'm sorry, Utena-sama!"

"It's okay, it'll be okay, just get me to a sink or a hose or something!" Utena said, wiping away the tracks from the tears streaming down her face. "The sandwich shop, Gilardi's, get me to the backdoor. They know me, they'll let us in."

"Where is it?" Anthy asked, helping Utena straighten up.

Utena started to point but then thought better of it. "It's next door," she said instead. Sure enough, after some quick scanning Anthy found the backdoor, and was able to haul Utena over to and inside the restaurant.

The witch had imagined what their reunion would be like countless times, in countless different ways. But this was not one of them. As she watched Utena wash her eyes out with water and dish soap, she leaned against a wall and let the weight of it all come down on her shoulders. ChuChu leapt out of her purse to watch like some thoroughly entertained spectator, while his friend felt a headache coming on.

A shining reunion indeed.


	2. D'you Like Sam Adams?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we dive in, a little context for stuff that happens in this chapter. In this AU, Utena and Anthy were in the first tentative stages of a romantic relationship when they were in Ohtori. They kissed sometimes but didn't go any further than that while in school. That's the main thing. Enjoy!

"I really am sorry, Utena-sama," Anthy said, looking down into her drink, a blush heating her face. Across from her at the little high table sat Utena, rubbing her red eyes with a napkin to clean up the tears that still occasionally leaked out. The pink-haired younger woman looked a little worse for wear, but Anthy marveled that she was still the loveliest person in the room.

Utena smiled shakily and reached out with her free hand to pat Anthy's. "It's alright, Anthy. I'll be fine, honest. Now could you please drop the sama from my name? It's been nine years after all. The games are over, and we're not engaged anymore."

"Okay, Utena-sa… Utena." That earned Anthy another small grin.

"Thanks." There was silence between them then that neither knew how to break. The only noises were those of the restaurant and ChuChu discretely munching on potato chips out of the public eye. Anthy didn't know what to say, and for a while it seemed that Utena was in the same predicament. Then she said, "So… you're out. Free at last… you are, aren't you?"

Anthy nodded. "I am. I left shortly after you disappeared." She couldn't resist smiling, or the way that Utena's eyes softened when she saw it. "I packed my things, told Akio I was leaving right to his face, and then I just walked out."

"That sounds amazing," Utena said warmly. "I wish I could have seen it."

"It was… exhilarating. Magical, a catharsis." She chuckled, a little embarrassed. "I had never felt such satisfaction before as I did walking away without a second glance."

"I'm so glad," Utena said, her voice soft but fiercely sincere. She moved their hands so that their fingers were intertwined, and she ran her thumb across Anthy's knuckles. "What about the others? Do you know what happened to them?"

Anthy shrugged somewhat awkwardly. She didn't feel the least bit sad that she had not seen any of the other Duelists or Ohtori students since that glorious day, but she felt bad not knowing for Utena's sake. "I haven't seen any of them since I left, but… I could tell that they were healing, becoming stronger, and starting to overcome whatever had held them back before. I suspect that they have all graduated by now."

Utena shut her eyes and let out a sigh of relief. "That makes me feel so much better. I can't tell you how many times I've worried about them, trapped in that place. It really made me wonder what happens to people who never graduate."

Anthy knew what happened to people like that. It wasn't pleasant. But she would keep that knowledge to herself. "I think they're fine," she said reassuringly. "I imagine it's much easier to graduate now that I'm gone."

"Why is that?" Utena asked, watching her.

Anthy paused, but then decided that Utena had to know enough already that this wasn't even a secret. "Without my power, Akio will not be able to hold people like he used to. He will try, but he will fail."

That blue gaze hardened, became angry, and for a moment Anthy was afraid, but then she scolded herself for feeling something so ridiculous. Utena gritted her teeth together. Anthy could see the skin of her jaw pale. The pink-haired girl's entire body grew tense, except her hand in Anthy.

"It still makes me so angry," Utena said, and Anthy had to lean in to hear her. " _Akio_ ," she spat. "That bastard. I get sick just thinking about everything he put you through, everything he put our friends through. I almost wish he was here so I could finally smash that smug face in."

Anthy moved her drink in order to take Utena's hand in both of hers. "What's done is done. It doesn't matter now. He's not someo---"

"Of course it matters!" Utena hissed, struggling to maintain the volume of her voice. "Don't you ever say that it doesn't. What he did… god, I can't stand to think… and what he did to you for so long, I just…" She roughly pressed her free fist to her eyes, knuckling away more tears to the best of her ability.

Anthy reached out and gently pushed Utena's hand away so she could wipe her face with a clean napkin. "There," she said comfortingly, her fingers lingering on pale cheeks. She sighed. "You're right, Utena. It amazes me how often you're right about things. It does matter, but it's the past and can't be changed. It matters, but what matters more is that it will never happen again. We're not there anymore, and that place has no power over us."

"That's true," Utena said. There was silence for a minute or two, and then she asked, "Are you done with that? Do you want to get out of here?"

"Yes," Anthy said, though her cup was far from empty. And if Utena noticed that she hadn't chosen to eat anything, she decided not to comment. The younger woman called over a waiter, a boy named George.

"Hey there, brat," she said, smiling at him. "Can we get our check?"

"Call me brat again, and I'll make you pay the whole restaurant's bill," the boy said matter-of-factly, and Utena snickered.

"Okay, squirt, no need for anything drastic," she said, holding up her hands in playful surrender. Anthy watched this interaction with rapt interest.

"I'm only five years younger than you, ya know," he said. Then he glanced at Anthy with clear, inquisitive hazel eyes. "So, is this your sugar mama or what?" He asked Utena. Anthy blinked, while Utena lightly shoved the boy with her arm.

"Don't be rude," she scolded him, frowning. "I'll have you know that this is Anthy Himemiya. Anthy, this punk ass kid is George. He's the owner's son, and he ought to spend less time bussing tables and more time practicing some manners."

George turned to Anthy and offered her a friendly smile. "My apologies, Miss Anthy. I just can't resist getting my jabs in whenever this loser shows up." He offered her a clean hand to shake, and she did.

"It's nice to meet you, George," she said charmingly. She could see a blush forming under his golden tanned skin. "Tell me, does Utena come here a lot?"

"She does," he said, forgetting for a moment to let go of her hand. "Almost every day. Orders the same thing too. A number five with cheese fries."

"Is that so?" Anthy said with a smirk, glancing at Utena. The woman huffed and straightened her jacket self-importantly.

"Not like anyone could blame me," she said.

"True enough," George conceded. "But you should really start sticking to salads. I haven't wanted to say anything, but…"

"Oh really? Oh. Really? You wanna compare six-packs again, shrimp?" Utena even stood up, puffing out her chest. Anthy pulled her back down with a snicker. "And to think, you're so rude that you come and pull this stuff when I'm with a lady. I should tell your mom on you."

"You started it," George said, before walking away get their check. Utena stuck her tongue out at his retreating back. When she looked back to find Anthy hiding laughter behind her hand, she tried to look disapproving, but couldn't manage it.

"Don't mind the kid. He's all talk," she said.

"Would you really have made him compare abdominal muscles?"

Utena grinned proudly. "Of course! He's got nothing on me." She looked at the witch with curiosity. "And you, you could've charmed that kid out of his lunch money with just a smile. You've still got it."

"Got what?" Anthy asked, honestly curious. Utena just grinned.

A minute later, George came back with their check. Anthy paid, despite Utena's protests, and then they got up to leave.

"Don't be a stranger, Miss Anthy," the boy called after them. Anthy smiled and waved when Utena turned back to make a face at him.

Back out in the street, Anthy almost instantly wanted to go back into the restaurant. But an arm came around her shoulder and Utena was talking softly in her ear. "Anthy, what's wrong?"

"C-crowds," Anthy said simply, eyes darting around nervously, sure that something awful was going to happen.

"Oh… Oh!" Utena exclaimed with realization. Her arm tightened. She looked around thoughtfully. "Don't worry, Anthy. We'll go somewhere else. Hey, how about my place? It's just down the street. Is that… okay with you?"

Anthy nodded, keeping her mouth closed. She might not have eaten anything, but she was suddenly sure she would vomit if she opened her mouth. Utena rubbed her arm and started leading her along the sidewalk. People stepped aside for them as they passed, and it seemed that they could not escape attention entirely. The witch pressed closer to Utena, trying to make herself small and unremarkable, as she had so often done in Ohtori. Her efforts paid off. People looked away, but somehow she didn't feel any better. The sun was shining brightly, but it offered no relief from the cold. In fact, the only warmth Anthy could feel was from the woman beside her. That was probably a metaphor for something, Anthy thought absently, but she was much too distracted and, frankly, right sick of symbolism to think deeper about it. She was shivering; she wrapped her arms around her torso and cursed herself for forgetting gloves.

"We're almost there," Utena said, and sure enough, they soon stopped before a plain red brick building with concrete steps and wrought iron railings leading up to a pair of black doors. Utena pulled the right door opened and gently ushered Anthy inside. "Mine's on the third floor. The elevator is right over here."

The inside of the elevator was small and somewhat musty. ChuChu sneezed, and she handed him a tissue. "Sorry," Utena said, looking slightly embarrassed. "This old thing just got fixed after being broken for like two months. It's still a little dusty. And noisy. And slow."

"It's fine," Anthy said. "How long have you been living here?"

Utena scratched her chin thoughtfully. "'Bout three years now. Although, I used to live in a place on the fifth floor." She smiled humorously. "I've been upgraded since then."

"The third floor is better?"

"Oh yes." Blue eyes glinted. "Less stairs, less time in an elevator, less height. Less of so many things I've come to dislike." It was Anthy's turn to be embarrassed. She looked away, her face heating up. But then she felt a kiss land on her cheek, and she looked back up in surprise. Utena was smiling gently, leaning against the wall with one arm. When she spoke, her voice was tender if teasing. "You know, I still haven't quite forgiven you for not telling me about the elevator to the Dueling Arena from the get go. Do you know how many cramps I got climbing those damnable stairs? And every time I would get up there and you and the challenger would already be there; what was up with that? You never said… Did they just show up early? Did they have another way of getting there that was exclusive to the Student Council?" Utena leaned in closer. Anthy could smell the leather of her jacket. "And what about you?" She murmured. "How did you always get there before me?"

"Magic," Anthy said. She found that she was struggling to breathe normally. This time, though, it wasn't from anxiety, but rather a much different feeling. She licked her lips, trying but failing not to notice blue eyes move in time. "The Student Council had a gondola from their meeting place. Sort of." She didn't mention how the Black Rose duelists had gotten there. She never would if she could manage it.

"Sort of…" Utena repeated pensively. "Yeah, 'sort of' makes sense doesn't it? Since everything was just an illusion from the Planetarium. Still." She smiled again. "The thigh burn was very real." Anthy managed a weak smile back, noting once again how Utena's gaze darted downward as she did so.

The elevator made a dinging sound and came to a stop. Utena looked vaguely disappointed, but the expression was gone by the time the doors opened. "It's over here," she said, jerking her thumb at a door on the left-hand side. The number was 333. Anthy firmly chose to ignore that. Utena unlocked the door and went inside first, tugging Anthy behind her. Lights came on, illuminating a small sitting area with a kitchen off to the left side. A door on the right was ajar; no doubt the door to the bedroom. The sitting area was a little bare. It held a futon in its upright position, one wooden side table with a lamp on it, a simple coffee table made of dark wood, and one battered armchair all on a large blue rug. Against the wall was another dark table with a television sitting on top of it. What especially captured Anthy's interest though was the mounted cello in the far corner, leaning proudly on its stand with its case tucked behind. She went to have a closer look.

It was a modest model, nothing like the outrageous ones she had seen in the past. It was built by a respectable name. Anthy remembered that this model was known for its durability rather than its flashiness. The witch couldn't guess at its age, but it was most definitely well-loved and well-used.

"You play?" She asked, gently plucking a string.

"Mmm." Utena was standing right behind her, peering over her shoulder. Anthy marveled that she could be so quiet. "Once upon a time, I was awfully good at it, if I do say so myself." The younger woman smirked. "Fortunately, my skills came back with the rest of my memories."

"Oh?" Anthy asked, almost whispered. "You never said…"

She felt Utena shrug. "No one ever asked."

"And what about the keyboard?" Anthy looked at the other instrument sitting in the room, tucked in the opposite corner. Utena snorted softly.

"Well, you and Miki inspired me. I started learning to play a few years back, and I'd like to think I'm fairly proficient at this point."

"You've done so much," Anthy murmured. She felt her eyes burn and she blinked to clear them while wondering at her own reactions.

"Eh, I suppose," Utena said. She rested a hand on Anthy's shoulder and turned her around. "But I can't think I've done more than you, Miss World Traveler Anthy Himemiya." She fingered the lapels of Anthy's jacket. "I've seen this style before; Italian, right? It's very pretty." Her touch moved to Anthy's white beret. "France, of course." One finger gently batted at one of her jade earrings. "New Zealand, right? Or maybe Burma?"

"How do you know all that?"

Utena grinned. "My own research. And the shopping network."

"You hated that," Anthy said, stating the obvious because she couldn't think of anything else while this woman was so close to her.

That smile widened. "I still do. But I know people who watch it just as religiously as you." She shut her eyes and sighed dramatically. "There's no escape for me, it seems. Not when I have to buy people presents." Opening her eyes, she continued. "But you've been all over, haven't you? You got these in person."

"Yes, I was…"

Utena tilted her head. "What?"

Anthy swallowed. "I was searching. Looking for you."

"For me?"

"Yes, I… I looked everywhere. This whole time I've been…" Curse her, but her speech was finally failing. Her emotions were getting the better of her again and she couldn't rein them in like she used to. The real weight of it all was sinking in. Utena was here, in the flesh before her. She was living and breathing, miraculously, after everything that had happened. The witch would be lying if she said a part of her didn't expect to find her hero immobile in a hospital, or worse. And Utena was speaking to her, happy to see her even after everything Anthy had done. She was speaking to her as if none of it had come to pass, which was stupid and unexpected and so very much like that noble girl of years past who had tried so hard to be a Prince. Utena had changed except in the ways she hadn't, and somehow that made the knot in Anthy's throat grow all the more.

"Anthy? Hey, don't cry…" Utena's expression was concerned, and her hands were cupping the witch's face. Her thumbs wiped away unexpected tears, tears Anthy had as little control over as she did every other reaction to this impossible woman in front of her. Utena's hands were rougher than they used to be, and bigger too. Anthy could feel calluses left from hard work against her cheeks. She cried over them, over the loss of inexperience and the inescapable change that came to all people in time. It was absurd, but somehow she thought that change would never come to Utena, to the girl who had held so stubbornly to her childhood that she started a Revolution with the strength of her innocent ideals.

Did she still hold those ideals? Or were they discarded long ago, left far behind in the storm of newfound adulthood? Anthy didn't know, couldn't guess. She didn't know this older Utena, how she acted or how to handle her. Once the witch had prided herself on knowing all people for who they really were, but then this child had appeared before her in an empty church, wearing a funeral dress and her heart on her sleeve. Utena had crashed into her sub-par existence in a torrent of blind passion and bull-headed good intentions. She had smashed a lot of things, but most of all Anthy's arrogant preconceptions. And she was doing it all again, here in this time and place. She surprised Anthy with her maturity, both physical and emotional. She surprised Anthy with her happiness, with the way that every smile reached her eyes. Most of all, she surprised Anthy with her kindness, just like before.

Utena had changed except in all the ways that she hadn't, and Anthy cried over that; whether in despair or elation, she couldn't say.

"Anthy…" The witch found herself in Utena's arms. The other woman was holding her close and stroking her hair, whispering to her, trying to soothe. "It's alright. Shh, shh, it's okay. I'm right here. Tell me what's wrong." But Anthy couldn't answer. Her words were stopped up. Utena pulled back a bit to look at her face. Her blue eyes burned Anthy with their sincerity and worry. "What do you need?"

Her mouth opening and shutting, the witch fought for any level of coherency, even if she could only cobble together the simplest of phrases. This feeling was not something willing to be tied down with words, but she had to try. She let out a sob. "I… I need…"

"What?" Utena whispered. "Tell me. Show me, if you have to."

Show?

When Anthy kissed her, for a moment it was like they were right back in Ohtori, in their tower room in the middle of the night. The kiss was chaste and sweet and almost as innocent, and Utena's body was like a tower in its way, a warm, living shield protecting Anthy from harm. Of course, it was also better than anything in Ohtori could ever be. Here in this moment, there were no baleful eyes watching from the shadows, no impending duel to worry over, no grief or confusion or deception tainting the mood, and, best of all, no swords under Anthy's skin whispering cruel lies and even crueler truths in her mind.

Utena, now 23 years old, was much more experienced with her mouth than before. She had kissed other people in these nine years to be sure. Later, Anthy might find the energy/emotional capacity to be viciously jealous about that, but right now she was grateful as the kiss turned from a child's simple affection into something more intimate. As gentle and undemanding as she had always been, Utena pressed her lips more boldly to Anthy's, making a soft sound in the back of her throat. The kiss became something fierce, and the witch welcomed it, echoing that soft moan.

It didn't extend beyond that, though, and Anthy didn't bother trying to sort through her feelings on the matter. When they pulled apart for breath, they were both red in the face, Utena especially so. The younger woman licked her lips and opened her eyes to stare in surprise. "S-so, show, huh?"

"Show," Anthy agreed, finding it in her upturned heart to let out a weak chuckle. Utena chuckled too, her grip around Anthy's waist loosening as though she was a little embarrassed. It was silly and awkward, and somehow it was just what the witch needed to get a hold of herself at last.

Taking a deep breath, she reached into her purse (which somehow had not fallen to the floor) and ChuChu gave her a handkerchief to wipe away the remaining tear tracks from her face. It was unnatural, really, that something so small could put a lock on wild emotions the way it did. However, Anthy had grown used to unnatural things since meeting Utena Tenjou.

The other woman was taking the time to compose herself as well, releasing Anthy in favor of straightening her jacket, breathing regularly, and clearing her throat. The beet-like redness in her cheeks hadn't faded, and her head was ducked. Shy, yet another trait that had persisted over the years; at least, around Anthy she could still be shy. It was clear that, for all of her not-so-subtle desire for it, a kiss was the last thing Utena expected to get from the witch. The young hero had never liked being caught off-guard by anything, but Anthy thought this reaction was and always would be unspeakably cute. The witch decided to make the first move once again, putting her fingers under Utena's chin and tilting her head back up.

The younger woman smiled bashfully, and then straightened up. "Do you, uh, have any plans today?" She swallowed. "I mean, if you're free, do you maybe want to hang out here for a bit? We can… talk. If you want to." Again she looked away, filled suddenly with the tongue-tied grace of a smitten school-boy.

Anthy smiled. "No, I had no plans," she lied. "And talking sounds… nice."

Utena looked up in surprise again. Was it really so stunning? "G-good! I'm glad! Um, uh, why don't you make yourself at home? Can I get you anything? Are you hungry or thirsty?"

Thinking about the beverage she barely touched back in the restaurant, Anthy said, "I am a little thirsty. I wouldn't mind a drink."

"Okay," Utena said, taking off her jacket and taking Anthy's as well with all due (but really unneeded) respect, and going to hang them on hooks by the door. She headed into the kitchen while the witch took a seat on the couch, closest to the corner where the cello stood. She listened to the sounds of rummaging in the kitchen, and took a few more calming breaths. There had been enough commotion in one morning to last the witch for a week, and now it was time to settle down again. Or so she hoped.

She heard Utena call from the kitchen, "D'you like Sam Adams?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Utena plays the cello now. That just kinda popped into my head while thinking about another AU sooo yeah. I figured she deserved a little more in the extracurricular talent department, since we don't actually learn much more about her skills other than she's normally good at math and sports. I picked the cello because it's a pretty cool instrument and not one that I think is very common in stories.


	3. Netflix and Chill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, you will find angst, crying, dorks, and fish. Also, the introduction to Anthy as an unreliable narrator. Take a guess at where that comes in. Have fun!

In the end, they had tea. Not that Anthy was opposed to beer (she'd tried many new things in her travels), but still it was comforting to perform an old ritual. In the end, things also lost the air of silly awkwardness and retreated to the status quo. Utena sat next to her on the couch, they sipped tea, held hands, and talked.

It was a long, important talk, full of confessions and revelations, and most of them Anthy's. However, Utena had plenty to say for herself, soft-spoken, sincere apologies for all her stupid, selfish behavior and fierce promises to do right by Anthy in the future.

Holding hands, they discussed most of things that happened in Ohtori like they were a pair of rational, emotionally stable adults. That was a bigger lie than some of the big ones Anthy had spun over the years, but she couldn't bear to break the illusion just yet. Adults? Yes. Rational? Maybe. Emotionally Stable? Certainly Not.

No matter how big or ugly the truth could get, Utena seemed to take it in stride, though. At points, Anthy was certain that the woman would rage and yell, and maybe, finally, strike Anthy for her crimes. She told Utena about goading Saionji to put Wakaba's love letter up on the wall. She told her how she and Touga manipulated Miki into betraying their friendship. She told her how she and Touga had worked together again, to make Nanami duel.

She didn't mention the Black Rose duels. Utena didn't ask, which is interesting. Did she remember any of it, now that Akio's spell was broken? Was she of the idea that Anthy played no part in Mikage Souji's machinations? Or did she still have no recollection at all of those bloody trials? In her fear of judgment and rejection, Anthy didn't say anything one way or the other.

Utena gave pause when Anthy talked about the ways Akio had convinced the members of the Student Council to duel again. "So that was why," she murmured, looking down at their joined hands but probably not seeing them. She gently squeezed Anthy's fingers. When she spoke again, her words were soft and cuttingly honest. "That really hurt, you know, when they challenged me again. Miki and Juri more than the others, of course. I… I thought we had moved past that, that we were friends…"

Anthy swallowed the harsh knot in her throat with difficulty. It came in response to the pain in her beloved's voice. "Akio was always good at turning people's hearts, making them act against friends, family, and even lovers. The Student Council didn't stand a chance, really." She was honest too, about this if not everything, because Utena deserved to know.

"Neither did I," Utena said, with a self-loathing snort.

Anthy couldn't help her recoil or her gasp of shock.   Feeling something intense and urgent in her heart, she gripped the other woman's hands hard. " _No_ ," she whispered vehemently. "That's not true, that was never true."

"You don't need to make me feel better about myself, Anthy. I know my mistakes." There was something sad and awful in Utena's eyes, something horrifying.

Anthy felt the fleeting urge to slap her, to scream, to do anything that would erase that look of… death on her face. She didn't slap or scream, but in an equally bold move (she was making a lot of those today), she released Utena's hands in favor of cupping her face and holding it firmly. "Listen to me! That was. _Never_. _True_. Akio had to pull out his best tricks to ensnare you, and still you resisted him. I saw it, I _saw_ it with my own eyes."

"But did I really do it when it counted? When it mattered, I only did it once."

"No, No, NO! You didn't! Listen to me, damn it!" It had been a century at least since Anthy had let out a curse word. Cursing wasn't ladylike. With her brother or any other duelist, she would have been hit for it. Utena was unique, and her only reaction was mild shock. "You were a child," Anthy said, her voice shaking. "A child, being controlled and coerced by an adult…" She forced herself to breathe before continuing. "You were confused, scared, and he was taking advantage of you. I saw this, Utena. I watched it happen and I did nothing because I thought you would turn out to be just like the rest. And even if you didn't I was sure you would fail. I'm sorry for that, so sorry. But you weren't like the others at all, because you rejected him. It doesn't matter if it was only in the final duel or not. You resisted, you defied him. No one's done that in longer than I can dare say. Please believe me." She was choked up, ready to start crying again. "Please believe that you are not weak for being preyed upon by _him_. His name is Akio for a reason."

Utena leaned into her touch, eyes closing with a sigh. "Lucifer, right?"

Anthy's thumbs rubbed pale cheeks. "That's the Latin name, a personal favorite. He has had others." Her voice came out strangled and she fought for control again.

Utena looked at her curiously. "Have you had others?"

"Yes," she said plainly. "More than I can remember or care to think about."

"Why did you pick Anthy?"

"It means flower."

"Mm. Why did you keep it?"

"It's the name you know me by."

This made Utena frown, briefly stirred out of her self-contempt. "That's no good. Don't tie yourself to something just because of me. If you don't like the name, you should change it."

"You wouldn't mind me changing my name?"

"If it was what you wanted, I'd help you fill out the paper work."

Anthy smiled, trying to put even a little bit of levity back into things if possible. "I do like it, but I like it more because of the way it sounds when you say it." Maybe it was sappy, but it was also true. She got the other woman to blush again, at the very least.

There was silence that could have lasted for an eternity, but probably not (probably). Then Utena let out a tired sigh. "Fine. Fine," she said. "I'll believe you that I was not weak. If only because you're so sure of it." That didn't satisfy Anthy at all, but she decided the wisest action was to let it go for now. Retreat to fight another day and all that.

"When I was a kid… I met you didn't I?" Utena scratched her head. "I don't think that was a particularly solid memory before my amnesia, and I only remember a few details now."

"You did," Anthy said, moving her hands to Utena's arms. "You promised to be a prince for me, do you remember that?"

Utena nodded. "Yeah, I remember doing that." Her forehead wrinkled as she struggled to think so far into the past. "There was someone else there, but for the life of me I can't think of whom it could be, their face or anything about them."

This was an interesting reversal, to have Utena remember Anthy and the vow she made but not her Prince. "Yes, it was Akio. And Dios. They were both there."

"Dios," Utena murmured. "So he isn't dead after all? Or he is, and he's Akio, but… not Akio at the same time?"

Anthy sighed. Being honest, she didn't know the truth herself. There were moments when she could have sworn that Dios was there, near her, but she could never be sure. The apparition that came down from the Castle to "possess" Utena didn't count; it had been little more than a shadow, a slightly more vigorous projection from the Planetarium.

"Dios is…" What was he? Was he anything at all?

"I think he's a ghost, or maybe the spirit of an ideal," Utena said, and it actually made a kind of sense when Anthy thought about it. Dios represented the ideal of the noble Prince, the ideal that guided young souls (like Utena) to take the path of chivalry, good deeds, and bravery. He represented more than he himself had ever been, Anthy remembered. There was no ideal Prince ever, only people who strived to live like one. There could never be a Prince in the real world, just like there couldn't be Princesses or Witches. One could not exist as an archetype (a difficult concept for someone like her to grasp). "Whatever he is, he helped me," Utena continued. "I'm grateful to him for that."

"Yes," Anthy said, but quietly she wondered how true that was.

She missed the next thing that Utena said, but she had heard the word " _swords_ ". "You're free from them now, right? They're not hurting you anymore?"

Anthy shook her head. "No, they have vanished. Once I could always sense where they were, even in those precious moments when they were not piercing me. Now I can't see them anywhere."

"Good," Utena said fervently. She shivered. "I remember how they felt." Anthy almost jumped out of the couch in shock. Utena didn't seem to notice. "When you fell away, they came for me instead, to punish me for my failure, or for stealing their victim. That experience… I could never forget a moment of it. Even when everything else was gone, I could still remember that… agony." She rubbed her temple absently. "It's seared into my mind. In a way I'm always thinking about it. And I only had to deal with it once. I can't bear to think what it must have been like for you, time after time after time." Shivering turned into shaking as fat tears rolled down pale cheeks. _So many tears_ , Anthy pondered through her shock. More tears than had been shed in millennia spilt in one day.

She abandoned all pretenses and moved across the couch to embrace Utena. The witch held her tightly for both of their sakes. If she didn't, she might tear her hair out and actually scream this time.

Utena had had the Swords. Even if it was only once, she had had them, and that was… In ten thousand languages Anthy could not find a word suitable enough to describe this feeling of… _horror_.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid! Stupid, idiot girl!_ Anthy didn't know who her mind was even referring to. Maybe it was Utena. Anthy had begged the girl to run, to leave the witch in her coffin and escape with her life and sanity during the chaos of the Duel called Revolution, and her plea had gone unheeded. Maybe she was yelling at herself, for being so daft that she never once thought about _why_ she didn't have the swords anymore. Maybe she was yelling at herself because all of her efforts to protect Utena (no matter the cost) had failed.

Utena was crying into her shoulder, holding her back just as tightly. It was the kind of embrace Anthy would have imagined happening if they hadn't lost their grip on each other (she, falling away in rebirth, and Utena, left behind to face a fate worse than death). She supposed it was just as well. The emotion in the room was almost suffocating, but Anthy resisted, through her despair, the urge to leave or faint. Good thing she was once the world's finest master of controlling (and subduing into nothingness) her emotions, so even though she wanted to beat her head against a wall or take a flying leap from the balcony, cold rationality prevailed in the end. She couldn't faint, and she couldn't leave, not while Utena was like this; not while there was a chance that Utena had been like this more than once. The very thought made her sick.

"I'm just…" Utena was speaking again, fighting through her own bleak despair. When she lifted her head to look at Anthy, however, she was smiling. She touched the witch's face with light, reverent fingers. "I'm _so happy._ I'm so happy that you're free now. I'm so…" She exhaled unsteadily. It almost sounded like a laugh. "Knowing that alone, it makes everything else worth it."

_No_ , Anthy thought. _Nothing is worth you being like this_. She didn't say that, but she wanted to. Instead, she wiped the tears from Utena's eyes. "Freedom is sweet, isn't it?" is what she said.

Utena awarded her with a watery grin. "It's the best damn thing," she agreed. Another period of silence passed between them. Utena seemed content to let it stand. With time, Anthy put aside her sadness and anger with herself, at least for the time being and if only because she didn't want to upset Utena any further.

Crushing revelation about the swords aside, however, the witch was enveloped in a sense of blissful emptiness. This talk, she decided, was ultimately a good thing for her, for both of them. Anthy felt freed of so many heavy sins, the weight of certain damnation lifted off her chest temporarily in the wake of Utena's forgiveness. (Stunning forgiveness, shocking, impossible, and all the more powerful for it.) She wasn't so innocent as to think that this would be the end of this conversation, the end of the secrets, or the end of her wrongdoings. For now though, it was nice to feel absolved.

Utena sniffled and wiped her eyes. She let out a shaky chuckle. "Man, I haven't cried this much in ages. What a day, huh?"

"Yes," Anthy agreed. "It was certainly more eventful than any day in recent memory."

Utena glanced at the clock on the wall, and it made the witch look too. "Damn," Utena said. "It's already 7:30! Holy crap, I didn't think we had been doing this for that long!" She looked at Anthy. "Are you hungry? You didn't have anything at the restaurant…" _There it was_ , Anthy thought. She could always count on Utena's unceasing concern.

"I'm alright," she said. It earned her another frown. Utena got to her feet, stretching broadly as she did so.

"I have a couple fish in the freezer. I'll make us dinner." Her eyes narrowed. "And you will eat."

"Alright…"

From the living room they moved to the kitchen, and Anthy sat and watched Utena cook their meal. It was fascinating. Utena moved through the room with an elegance that Anthy had never seen before. It was unlike the grace with which she dueled, dissimilar from the perfectly practiced poise with which she had played sports, and it seemed to the witch to be remarkably feminine. Therefore, it should have looked wrong on such a boyish woman, but somehow it didn't. She wondered where the girl had learned it.

"I found this cool looking recipe for tilapia online and figured I'd give it a go," Utena was saying as she poured rice into a saucepan. She added some water and salt and then set it to simmer. "You ever had tilapia?"

"Once or twice," Anthy said, non-committal.

"It's not my favorite," Utena said. "But I thought this recipe sounded good." She went to a cupboard and pulled out a number of bottles. Anthy could just read the labels from her seat. There was ginger, garlic, cayenne and cilantro. From the fridge, Utena removed a bottle of lime and juice and yogurt? The witch made a face. "Don't be like that," Utena whined. "All the reviews swear by this marinade." She mixed the unusual ingredients together and started to… do something with them and an odd machine that Anthy didn't recognize. "I'm pureeing them," Utena said, as if she could sense Anthy's bewilderment without even looking.

"Oh," Anthy said lamely.

"Yeah, it's not something I do very much, but I have to get some use out of this food processor. It was a nice Christmas present but I just don't do a lot with it."

"Who gave it to you?"

"My Mamá." Anthy was instantly taken aback, for good reason. Utena seemed to sense that too, because she paused in her delicate piercing of the fish to turn around. "Yeah, you heard that right," she said, and smiled. "I'll be happy to tell you all about it, but later. I have to finish this first."

She did. With flourishing movements, she seemed to dance through the rest of the cooking process. Anthy felt as though she was privy to some sort of secret ritual, a special performance only she was allowed to witness. It was a good meal too, she had to admit. And the marinade was delicious. They ate in comfortable silence, only broken by light small talk here and there, and both of them declared the cooking endeavor a success at the end. Anthy found that she had actually been quite hungry after all. And when it was over, Utena cleared the plates and washed them by herself, gently deflecting Anthy's insistence on helping. "On second thought, I'm not feeling any more deep talk right now, if that's alright with you," she said. "But, do you… want to hang around some more? We can find something else to do…"

Anthy tilted her head. "What did you have in mind?"

Utena shrugged. She looked at the clock. "Well… it's 8:45 now. I've got a pretty nice TV, and Netflix. What shows have you been watching?"

"Um…"

Utena looked at her curiously. "Oh, I get it. My bad, heh. Well, we can tune into the shopping network if you want." She looked quite put out to be the one suggesting it.

"Could you tolerate that?"

"I already do. It's spiritually painful, but I do it." She smiled. "Really, if you want to watch it, we'll watch it. I'm just exaggerating. A bit."

Anthy giggled. Feeling playful, she responded, "I appreciate your brave sacrifice, oh selfless one." Then she kissed the woman's cheek.

Utena blushed again adorably, clearly not expecting that. "U-uh, yeah sure! No problem."

They went back to the couch and settled there, turning on the TV. With a frown, Utena found the right channel just as the salesman on the screen was describing a pair of tanzanite earrings in great detail. She rolled her eyes, but Anthy was already avidly tuned in.

It didn't fix anything, but it helped. It was enough for tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what you guys were expecting. Sometimes Netflix and chill actually means Netflix and chill. Oh, and you'll hear about Utena's family next chapter. Thanks!


	4. Are You Nasty?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goddamn it, school sucks! But finals are next week so I'm almost to my freedom. Hopefully then I can work on this more.

It was late. She should go back to her hotel. Really she should. But she couldn't seem to make her body move toward the door. She couldn't seem to get up from the couch.

Utena was asleep beside her, slumped against the back of the couch with her head lolling to one side. Her breathing was slow and deep, and her face was relaxed to the point of being slack.

It was a sight Anthy had been accustomed to seeing back in Ohtori, but that didn't mitigate the effect it had on her. The television show abandoned and left behind in her peripheral awareness, she couldn't pull her eyes away.

Utena looked younger asleep, not as young as she had been back in school, but younger than 23 at the very least. Anthy wondered about time and sleep, and about that silly old story about the slumbering princess and the noble prince who kisses her awake. Like a schoolgirl, Anthy blushed at the thought. _Ridiculous_. What a reversal though, as, by all accounts, Anthy should be the one lost to sleep and waiting for a magical kiss. The fairytales were mistaken. Princesses locked in their towers had more pent up energy than a hyperactive child forced to sit still, while heroes were often dead on their feet, exhausted by their duties. This had been clear in Ohtori. Utena had regularly passed out when they lied together in the grass, and could never keep her eyes open during class. Anthy, on the other hand, had never slept, ever. She had had a catnap here and there, when her duties were more strenuous, but her eyes remained open at night, only closing for as long as it took to fool her brother and various masters into thinking she was asleep.

That had changed since gaining her freedom, but it seemed that Utena could still drift off effortlessly, leaving Anthy behind in the waking world as she had so many times before. The witch reached out a hand, but hesitated. She reasoned with herself that the other woman would prefer to sleep in her own bed rather than on a couch, so she pushed forward. Gently, she shook Utena's shoulder, to no avail.

"Utena," Anthy crooned, gently touching the woman's face. "It's time for bed."

She felt a twitch under her fingertips, and the other woman let out a soft grunt. After a few seconds of light prodding, blue eyes opened and blinked slowly.

"Anthy?"                                                                                              

The witch grinned, amused. "It's late, Utena."

"Is it?" A glance toward the nearest clock yielded a mildly surprised hum. "I guess it is. Heh, we keep losing track of time. Feels like it did back then." Utena looked at Anthy. "Did you ever notice that? How time was so irrelevant in Ohtori?"

"More than you know," Anthy murmured.

"When I woke up after the last duel, even with no memories, I still felt so off-balanced by the way time moves here. Some days I still do, like today." She was troubled by this, but then shook it off. "No matter. I guess we should go to bed though." She stood up and stretched mightily. "Come on," she said to the witch before she walked into her bedroom. Anthy lingered behind, feeling a little awkward at the abruptness. Utena's head popped out again. "What are you standing there for? Aren't you coming in?"

"Coming in?"

"Yeah. I wouldn't make you sleep on that old couch." She paused. "Unless… you'd prefer that. I'm not gonna force you or anything like that."

"Ah, no, that's fine. I… just wasn't expecting it."

"It'll be just like high school… but better." There was a flash of a smirk, but then it was gone, tempered into something softer. "Let's go." She held out her hand.

Anthy took it, and was led into a small but comfortable looking bedroom. A full-size mattress sat in the center, adorned by gray thermal sheets, a white blanket, and a plain black comforter. Interesting. There was a nightstand on the right-hand side with a small lamp and a digital clock set on it, and a dresser set against the wall opposite the bed. Off to the left hand side was another door. The bathroom?

"They might be a little big, but I've got some sleep shirts and pants that you can wear." Utena went to the dresser and started looking through the second drawer. After some careful deliberation, she picked out a large brown t-shirt and a pair of plaid pajama pants. She offered them to Anthy with a grin. "They may not look it, but they're very warm. I noticed how much you were shivering outside. I've got good heating for this place, but it always helps to have a little extra on nights like this."

Anthy took them gratefully, chuckling a little self-deprecatingly. "I've walked the world, but most of the places I've been were warm when I visited. I admit I'm not used to this."

"No shame in that." Utena turned away to get clothes for herself, and then she started to strip. Anthy stared openly. The abs that Utena was so ready to show off in the diner were indeed very impressive. Green eyes were glued to the way muscles moved and contracted as the woman bent over to change her shirt. Shoulders rotating and arms flexing; her form was sinuous and powerful, similar to how she looked nine years ago but more… finished. Certain aspects of her were definitely more _mature_ than they had been, Anthy noted as she was given an eyeful of skin on the verge of spilling out of a black bra.

Blushing, Anthy made herself look away and start changing her own clothes. It had been a very long time since the witch had felt shy about her body. That hadn't changed in a measly nine years, but unlike before, she was aware of her body now. That was new. She wasn't used to living in her genuine physical form, and that lent a certain timidity to the way she undressed. She had to turn away from Utena to do it, feeling silly.

The shirt was more than a little big. It hung low around Anthy's thighs; the witch felt enveloped. The pants fit well, though the witch would have to struggle not to trip on spare fabric. They were fuzzy, and the shirt was surprisingly soft. She felt remarkably comfortable.

Hearing a hum behind her, she turned back around to find Utena staring intently at her body, biting her lip. Caught, the younger woman blushed, but she didn't back down. She came to stand in front of Anthy, close enough that she had to tilt her head down to meet the witch's eyes.

"You look nice," Utena said.

Anthy smirked. "I look like I'm wearing a peasant's dress with a Scotsman's pants."

"You look nice," Utena repeated. She pressed her hand to the witch's cheek. "And you shouldn't insult the hand that clothes."

"Apologies, my generous host."

Utena seemed captivated by something in the witch's face. She stared into Anthy's eyes undaunted, as if she was looking at something profound. Anthy stared back, waiting for the other woman to speak her mind.

"It's been one day, not even that, and so much has already happened between us," Utena murmured. She grew serious. "I don't want to lose this."

"Why would we lose this?"

"It's been one day," Utena repeated. "One day after nine years of separation, one day after the fallout of the last duel. Anything could happen tomorrow. Anything…" She pressed her forehead to Anthy's. She whispered, "I don't want to lose this, whatever it is we have."

"What do we have?" Anthy asked softly.

Utena let out a short breath; she seemed frustrated. "I don't know. I don't know what it is, or even what it was. I do know that I don't want to… to rush into things, nor do I want to let any of this go. We've, we've only just found each other again after all, after so long. We have a lot more catching up to do, a lot of reconnecting. This is… new for both of us."

"What would you like us to be?"

The look she got was so intense that the witch felt her heart stutter in her chest. "I know exactly what I would like us to be," Utena said fervently. "But that's a lot to expect of a relationship as young as ours. We should… take things slower."

"That makes you unhappy," Anthy observed, but Utena shook her head.

"It doesn't. Well, maybe it does a little. But anything I get to have with you is more than fine to me. You make me happy. Everything else is just… a really nice bonus." _Oh, but that heat in her eyes, matched only by her blazing compassion_ … "But I don't want to hurt you, either. I know you've, you've been hurt that way."

Shutting her eyes, Anthy leaned into the hand pressed against her cheek. "I've been hurt in many ways, by many different people. And you know, they never apologized for it, not once. No one apologized or ever really thought about me until you came. You, the future I didn't predict. I can't say I know what will happen." She chuckled softly, harshly. "I used to pride myself on my foresight, but it's useless here. It's been useless since I met you. I don't know what's going to happen anymore than you do, but I know that I need my life to have you in it. I need to be with you, whatever that means, whatever it could mean. You are the only one who ever truly cared about me."

"I still care," Utena murmured fervently. "So much that it threatens to swallow me whole. I still care, I still want, and I still love. And if you'll have me, I'll love you for eternity."

"Shh," Anthy said, pressing dark fingers to pink lips. "Love me. Love me, and speak not of eternity. I love you too, and I want what we have right now. I can't see the future anymore. It is meaningless, undefined. The here and now is what matters. We will grow and change, bloom into something beautiful, I'm sure. But---"

"All great stories need a good beginning, right?"

Anthy found herself beaming. "Yes, that's it." She kissed Utena's palm. "We can go as slow or fast as we feel. It's our choice."

"I like choices," Utena responded matter-of-factly. "As slow or fast as we feel, eh? Okay, then I'm going to do this tonight." The taller woman bent down and kissed the witch. Anthy couldn't say she wasn't expecting it, but it still came as something of a pleasant surprise at the same time. Anthy found that she rather liked it as her mouth opened under Utena's. She drew her arms around the other woman's neck and pulled her closer as their tongues met and slid together languidly. The sensation was intoxicating. The kiss was lazy and gentle and perfect for a reunion between two lost souls. It kindled lovely warmth in her belly that made her want more, but she held back. The kiss broke when they needed to breathe, and both of them were contented.

Utena's cheeks were pink. "That was good," she said, a little anti-climatically, but Anthy knew she was often awkward when aroused. "Um… okay, we should keep getting ready for bed."

"I suppose so," Anthy agreed, smiling tenderly. Several more seconds of shameless gazing, and then Utena cleared her throat, dropped her hand from the witch's face, and made her way to the bathroom. Anthy followed behind her until she was handed a toothbrush still in its packaging.

"My dentist hands these out to everyone who makes an appointment, so I always have extras," Utena explained, also handing Anthy a tube of toothpaste. The brush was orange, translucent plastic and little white bristles. The tube was small and almost empty, but it was enough. They brushed their teeth in silence, standing close. _Comfortable_.

"If you need to wash your face, there are some washcloths under the sink," Utena said after rinsing. Then she gently moved past Anthy back into the bedroom. Anthy took care of her own needs before following behind.

She found Utena lounging on the bed, gazing openly at her. "Do you have a preferred side?" She asked. "Right is mine, but I can move."

Anthy found herself giggling, and chose not to question it. "It's fine, Utena. I'll take the left. She went over and pulled back the covers. "Why gray?" She asked curiously.

Utena shrugged. "They're warm. And cheap. I don't mind gray." She slid underneath the covers and gestured for Anthy to do the same. "I'm going shut the lights off, if you're good?"

"Go ahead." The sheets were indeed warm, soft and fuzzy. Anthy turned onto her back and stared at the ceiling. Her eyes caught on a crack, and then dark obscured it from sight.

"Comfortable?" Utena asked. Anthy couldn't see her face, not all of it at least. The light of the moon peeked through the gap in the curtains, giving the room the dimmest of glows.

"Yes," Anthy murmured.

"Do you need to be anywhere tomorrow?"

"Nowhere in particular." She felt Utena's hand settle over hers.

"Good," Utena whispered. "Sweet dreams, Anthy."

"Sweet dreams, Utena."

They fell asleep like that, as they had many times before.

 

Anthy couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was that roused her in the middle night. She forced her heavy eyelids to lift and found herself gazing at the door to the bathroom. She was on her side so she must have turned over in her sleep at some point. She considered lying back again when she heard a soft rustling behind her and a sleepy grunt. A second or two later and Utena's arm was around her waist. Their bodies were pressed together, Anthy's back to Utena's front. The other woman was already asleep again, breathing slowly and quietly behind the witch's ear. Anthy shivered, but didn't turn over and move away. Utena's arm was heavy where it pressed into her abdomen. For a moment, Anthy remembered another time and place with a shared bed, a dark room, and a heavy arm over her.

_The weight aggravating a large bruise left from the earlier in the week. The smell of cigar smoke choking her lungs, but she dare not cough and make a sound. The sheets rubbing harshly against her skin. The moon looking down grimly on an old, dirty city_. _This one was not her champion but another pawn in Akio's latest scheme, not a prince but a diplomat. She had been sent to play… ambassador. It worked._

Her breathing shook and she fought to steady herself, feeling sweat coat her skin. _Don't shake, don't speak, don't cry out. Utena's asleep. I can't wake her._ The witch suffered in silence, biting her lip against the fear threatening to consume her. But then through the dark and the memories, she heard a sound. It was a nonsense group of syllables, spoken in a voice that was husky and soft with sleep, Utena's voice. Anthy felt the tip of a nose prod and nuzzle the corner of her jaw in unconscious affection. She sighed. How typical. Even asleep, Utena could sense her distress. Anthy rested her hand on the other woman's arm, her fingers wrapping around the elbow for reassurance.

It took a little time, but the tension slowly began to leave her like a long exhale. This wasn't London. She wasn't sleeping in a whorehouse next to a passed out German. She was in a real bedroom in a modern city, cradled by a woman that she loved and who loved her in return. The room smelled like store-bought air freshener and not of rancid sweat, tobacco, and bourbon. She was fine. She was safe here. Memories were only that. When Utena's strong arm tugged her closer, she wasn't panicked anymore.

The clock said it was only 3 am. Too early to get up. Anthy wasn't sure if she could fall back to sleep, but she tried.

 

True sleep didn't quite come, but she managed to pleasantly doze off until the harsh buzzing of an alarm intruded upon her peace. She opened her eyes and searched for the obnoxious noise, but it wasn't on her side of the bed. She was about to turn over when she remembered Utena partially slumped over her. The weight was a little much, but it wasn't long before, with a sleepy, irritated growl, the arm over her body flopped away to smack the button on the clock, cutting off the insufferable racket. With a groan, Utena rolled onto her back, and Anthy shifted to her other side to observe her bedmate. The woman next to her stretched mightily, her back arching upward. Then she sat up in a smooth, rolling motion to turn on the bedside lamp.

"Good morning," Utena said as she rubbed her eyes. She looked down at Anthy. "I hope you were comfy. This mattress is a little old, but I don't notice it anymore. You slept okay, right?"

Anthy sat up and, feeling bold and mischievous, leaned over to press her lips to Utena's chin. She swore she could feel the heat rushing to Utena's face just as she pulled away. She smiled playfully. "I slept fine, Utena. Great, being so close to you."

Pink-faced, Utena stammered, "O-oh, g-good. I was worried that I made you uncomfortable again. Was that silly of me? I don't know what I was thinking. I just did it without even asking you. Sorry about that. I just wanted to- to be near you. I think I must have thought you were cold or something and---"

She was babbling. It was cute. Anthy smiled and watched contentedly as Utena turned away in embarrassment. The other woman bent over to pick up something off the floor, and as she did, her shirt hiked upward, exposing the skin of her back. Anthy's eyes drifted downward, but when they did, the smile slipped away.

Straining fabric and artificial light revealed dark, raised flesh. The contrast with the rest of her back was unnatural, sinful, and foreboding, like a black storm cloud in an otherwise clear sky. The skin was uneven and tight, and it had a hideous shine in the light of the lamp.

Without thinking, Anthy reached out and touched the scar on Utena's back with careful fingers. Utena paused in her ramblings. "I got that on the job," she said as she relaxed once more.

"Job?" Anthy asked breathlessly.

Utena nodded. "Yup, I'm a firefighter. Heh, can't believe I didn't mention that earlier. But yeah, I got that wound when a burning beam fell on my back. They said it was a miracle I lived, even more so that I can still move." Before the witch could be overcome by the horror of that thought, Utena continued. "I have a few smaller ones in other places, from other close calls." Without turning, she held out her left arm, where Anthy could see a smaller red and black patch on her bicep. Anthy didn't touch that one.

"Do they hurt?" She asked quietly, her hand shaking as it traced dark tissue.

"Eh, sometimes I think they do, but it's all in my head. Least that's what the doctors told me." Utena leaned back and looked back at Anthy, suddenly nervous. "You're not… grossed out by these, are you?"

Anthy managed to smile, somehow. The wounds were terrifying and awful, but she couldn't say that. Her hand rose to cup Utena's cheek. "Of course not. They're a part of you, and nothing about you is gross or unsightly or detestable."

Utena smiled back, comforted. She didn't suspect that Anthy was lying. She never did. "I'm glad you think so." She leaned her head into the hand. "So, hey… where are you staying? Do you live in town?"

"Well, I just flew in yesterday morning. I'm staying at a hotel in the city." 

"Downtown?" Utena sounded surprised. "That's ritzy." She favored Anthy with a curious look. Anthy shrugged, not losing her smile. Utena turned on her side and laid down on the bed, staying perched up on her elbow. "Well, if… if you want, you could…" She blushed, looking at the sheets. "I mean, this is sort of contradicting what I said last night but… You could stay with me? Only if you wanted to, of course. As fast or slow as we want, right? And it, it's not like we haven't done it before." The red in her face slowly darkening, she looked around her apartment. "I mean, I know this place isn't some fancy Hilton or Grand, but it's got everything I need. A-and we could redecorate if you don't like it, and---"

The prince's babbling was cut off by a soft set of lips against hers. Utena was adorable, and Anthy was charmed by her.

After a satisfying interlude, they broke apart. "So… is that a yes or a no? Or a maybe?" asked Utena, panting.

"It's a yes, darling," Anthy purred, enjoying the way the woman's eyes widened at the term of endearment as the flush of her skin continued to spread.

"Oh! Good! Great, actually!" A bright, beaming grin appeared on Utena's face. "If you want, we can go down and get your stuff now. I don't have to go into work until tonight."

"That would be fine," Anthy said.

"Cool! Just give me a couple minutes to get ready, and we can be off." Utena sat up and got to her feet. She started to walk over to her modest dresser when the phone on the bedside table rang. Utena looked at the caller ID, smiled brilliantly, and pressed a button. "Hi, Mamá, you're on speaker!"

"Дочь, why don't you call your mother back? It's so difficult to get a hold of you!" A female voice with a thick Russian accent could be heard over the phone.

"I'm sorry, Mamá. When did you call? I've been…" She glanced at Anthy. "Busy." Anthy was listening to the conversation with nothing less than fascination. She absently pulled on her outfit from yesterday, her ears trained to the conversation happening next to her.

"I called your cell phone last night after dinner time, and you didn't answer! You always answer after dinner time. What was I supposed to think? You had me worried sick, girl!"

"Sorry," Utena mumbled apologetically. "I didn't mean to miss your call. I really was very busy doing things."

"Hmph," the woman on the other line said. "No matter. I have you now. So tell me, will you be coming home for Thanksgiving this weekend or not?"

"I already said I would be there," Utena said with a chuckle. "It's my turn to be off that weekend. You can count on me."

"I never saw the reason why you fire fighters waste your time saving the idiots of this country from burning their houses down. It seems to _me_ that they should face the consequences of their stupidity."

Utena shared a smile of amusement with Anthy. "I think the smoke and water damage teaches them their lesson well enough, Mamá. Nevertheless, you and Papi can expect me for sure."

"Good," Mamá said. "Your Aunt Roza and Uncle Petyr will be there with your cousins Sonya and Adrian." Utena groaned loudly. "Don't you act like that! They are your family and you will love them and be friendly to them."

"You should give that advice to Sonya and Adrian. _They're_ the ones who are always mean," Utena growled.

"Be that as it may, you were raised to be polite and charming. What's more, _I_ raised you to be polite and charming." Utena shared another amused look with Anthy. "So I expect you to act like it. If they step out of line, Sonya and Adrian will be disciplined. As will _you_."

"Mamá," Utena pleaded. "I..." She looked questioningly at Anthy. "Might be bringing someone…" Anthy understood, smiled, and nodded. The woman smiled back, relieved. "And I don't want them being rude."

There was a pause. "Do you have a _girl_ in there right now? Is _she_ what you were so busy _doing_ last night?" Utena's dark blush returned with vigor. Anthy tried her best, but she couldn't quite contain her mirth, and girlish giggles spilled from her mouth where it was hidden behind her hand. "Ah! Is that her?" Mamá called. "Don't just stand there, Utena! Introduce us."

"You two aren't face-to-face," Utena said tolerantly. She gestured to Anthy to speak for herself.

"Hello, ma'am. My name is Anthy Himemiya. It will be a pleasure to meet you in person soon," Anthy said politely, coming to stand beside Utena. There was a thoughtful pause.

"Hmm, she sounds like a lady. Good, you need a proper lady in your life, especially after that last riffraff you---"

"Okay!" Utena cut her off loudly, biting her lip and glaring at Anthy when she laughed. "Anthy and I have to go do something! I'll talk to you later, Mamá. Say hi to Papi! Love you, bye!" Utena ended the call, and let out a sigh. "Shut up," she growled softly. "It's not funny! She's always embarrassing me when I have someone over."

"I think it's cute, Utena," Anthy said, standing on her tiptoes and kissing the taller girl on the cheek. "She clearly loves you a lot, and just wants what's best for you." Utena grumbled incoherently, but allowed Anthy to kiss her on the mouth to quiet her. When they broke apart, Anthy allowed her questions to show on her face. The noble woman, so much more perceptive these days, caught on quickly.

"After I woke up in the hospital, I was put into the foster system as soon as I could walk by myself. It was horrible. No one spoke Japanese, I spoke only a little _Engrish_ , and everyone was too busy sorting out their own problems to teach me. I got sent out of the first house after two months. But that turned out to be a good thing. The second house belonged to my Mamá and Papi." Utena smiled fondly, and there were memories shining in her eyes. "She's a short, stocky, beautiful Russian farm girl who got her Visa with her family in 1980. Papi is a tall Japanese man, second generation American citizen. They met at a Laundromat in New York City and could barely understand each other at first. But they kept seeing each other, and as my Mamá's English improved, so did their conversations. Eventually, they fell in love, got married, moved here, and tried to have a child. When they couldn’t conceive, they became foster parents. I was lucky. I was a kid they wanted to keep. They adopted me shortly before I turned sixteen. They paid for me to be homeschooled and made sure I became fluent in English." Her voice dropped almost to a whisper. "They helped me when my memories started to come back." Anthy tightened her embrace, running her hands soothingly up and down Utena's back. Utena smiled sadly. "Sharp things, memories," she muttered. "I'm sure if you asked them, they would know, but I personally can't count the number of times they came home to find that I had slashed myself on the razors in my mind and couldn't do anything to stop the bleeding." This time her voice was so soft that Anthy had to lean in to hear it. "One time it wasn't just in my mind…"

"Oh Utena," Anthy breathed as she felt her heart break. "I'm so sorry. For everything that's happened to you."

"Nah," Utena murmured. "No need to be so sorry. I forgave you a long time ago. Remember?"

"Did you? Even for… the final duel?"

Utena hummed, pressing her nose into Anthy's dark hair. "I'll admit, in those first few moments after you did it, it was hard. But then I remembered, and I realized, so I forgave you then, too."

"And rose up to save me," Anthy finished, feeling her eyes burn with unshed tears.

"Nah," Utena repeated. "You saved yourself. All I did was open the door. Not that big of an accomplishment."

"You opened the door," Anthy said. "And offered me your hand. It was impossible, unthinkable, but you still did it. When you did it, the shock… woke me; brought me back to life. I opened my eyes to see the light of you, of the outside world, pouring into my coffin. It blinded me. I could barely see your hand to reach out and take it. But I took it anyway, against all reason and rationality, against everything I had ever believed before.

"And after I hit the ground, I got up for the first time in… an eternity. I got up and walked away. That's how you saved me, my love. You showed me that I could leave, by my own will, and that I should."

"Not quite a prince then," Utena said wryly. "Whatever. Did you know… that at the end, in that final fight, for all my talk I didn't give one damn about being a prince? Well, I mean, I did… sort of. But I didn't want to be _the_ prince. I just… wanted to be your… prince."

Anthy smiled. "But you were something better all along, darling." She put one hand on Utena's chest, over her breastbone. "You are, in your heart, everything a prince is meant to be: noble, brave, kind, loyal, protective. But most importantly: humble, human; not some mad god searching for lost power, nor an arrogant child looking for eternity. You're better than any prince. You don't want subjects or servants. You detest the concept of a Rose Bride, of a Princess with no power of her own. You reject both. Fairytale roles cannot bind you. You shatter them." Anthy kissed her fiercely. "You are… a Revolutionary. My Revolutionary. Don't ever doubt that."

"You have so much faith in me. I… thank you," Utena said.

"That's the sort of thing I'm supposed to say, silly." They fell into silence then, standing comfortably in each other's arms for quite some time. There was more to be said, to be sure, but it would be said when it was time. For now, as with the night before, it could wait.

Utena looked up and noticed the clock, and said, "We should get going so we can pick up your stuff. We don't want to get caught in traffic. That would suck."

Anthy smiled. "Then let's go."

The car ride to the hotel was spent in comfortable silence. Utena drove with both hands, but she kept glancing at Anthy and smiling. Anthy found herself smiling just as easily back. It was strange, this effortless happiness; strange and wonderful, exhilarating.

Utena didn't want to stay in the car, but Anthy insisted that all she had was a single, small suitcase. She went in by herself and went to her room. ChuChu popped out of her purse. He jumped into her open hand and inquired about her beaming expression. Anthy hugged her friend close to her breast.

"We found her, ChuChu," she whispered. "We found her."

When she had checked out and returned to the car, Utena was leaning against it, arms folded over her chest. She smiled when she saw Anthy and ChuChu. The little monkey left Anthy's hand to jump onto Utena's shoulder, chattering in her ear when he did.

"Aw, I really missed you too, buddy." She laughed as ChuChu climbed on her, and Anthy stood back to observe the fluffy sight.

"He missed you a lot as well, Utena," Anthy said before opening the backdoor and putting her suitcase inside. "He was so excited to hear your voice yesterday that he almost jumped right out onto the sidewalk to see if it was true."

"I love you too, ChuChu!" Utena played with the small creature for a little while more, and then they all got back in the car. Anthy was able to mostly keep ChuChu from distracting Utena during the drive back. They did get caught in some traffic, but that was fine with the witch.

"So," she said, feeling mischievous. "Who was this _riffraff_ your mother mentioned?"

Utena groaned. "I should have known you wouldn't just forget about that." The witch giggled, and the other woman's mouth quirked upward despite herself. "Her name was Jackie. She was the second half of a two-part fling when I was feeling pretty… pretty bad a couple months back. It wasn't anything serious," Utena added quickly upon seeing Anthy's concern. "I just felt kinda down for a few weeks. I'm fine now, more than fine now that you're here. Anyways, I met her in a bar, we hit it off well enough, went out a couple times, and I took her home. Mamá showed up the next morning to surprise me. It was… as awkward as you're thinking. Mamá did very little to hide her disapproval, and Jackie felt appropriately ostracized. We haven't seen or spoken to each other since; which is fine. We weren't that well-suited anyway."

Anthy would privately admit that she was glad to hear that. "What did your mother not like?"

"Oh, everything, really. Didn't like her clothes, didn't like her hair, didn't like her piercings, her diction, or the way we met. Just… didn't like anything about her."

"Harsh," Anthy said humorously. "Will I be able to meet your mother's stringent standards?"

"You heard what she said on the phone. You're a _proper lady_ , and I need a _proper lady_ in my life."

"What's a proper lady?"

"For her, someone refined, classy. Knows how to dress, is well-versed in the art of conversation, and, most importantly, is able to 'keep me out of trouble and from looking like a street rat'."

Anthy grinned. "Do you suppose I am all of those things?"

"Well, despite the fact that you were usually directly involved with any trouble I got into, yes. Remember when you made that damn magic curry that made us switch bodies and blew our dining room to bits?" Utena narrowly eyed Anthy. "Or that time when you 'accidentally' switched out my normal shorts for ones that said 'ARE YOU NASTY?' across my ass?"

Anthy laughed. "I promise, I didn't notice until you already had them on," she said innocently, though her expression was devilish.

"Didn't notice, my butt!" Utena protested.

"If I recall correctly, everyone noticed your butt that day," Anthy teased, feeling playful in the way only Utena and Dios had ever made her feel.

"Yeah, they did!" Utena growled. "Two people got sent to the hospital because of that, Anthy!" She grimaced, no doubt thinking of how she had gone through her whole school day obliviously. The witch remembered that everyone had been blushing around her champion more than usual. She had been talking to Juri and Miki and she bent down to get something, and when she stood up again they were both red in the face. Miki had stammered about having to go to the piano room and Juri politely but hastily excused herself as well, playing with the buttons of her jacket. Later on, a boy touched her backside and she punched him unconscious. Just before that, she was doing some stretches while she waited for their class to start and had caused a girl to trip and fall down the stairs. Even Nanami had been affected, stunned into silence for several seconds upon seeing the words.

Anthy laughed. "It's not my fault people are so taken with the sight of your backside."

"Malicious, that's what you are," Utena accused, but she was starting to smile. "Using innocent people's physical traits to weave webs of chaos throughout Ohtori. No one is safe from _Anthy's Malice_."

They laughed together then, and even the dark implications of Utena's words were not enough to bring them down. Such was the joy of freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's your introduction to the first of Utena's family. You'll be seeing a lot more soon. Also, the Are You Nasty? shorts are a real thing if you didn't know, look it up.


	5. What am I supposed to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is hella domestic. Hella domestic. I hope you find it worth the wait.

The days leading up to Thanksgiving were remarkably peaceful, almost dull. Anthy had been so worried about their reunion that she hadn't really considered that things would just be okay. Living together was as effortless as it had been ten years ago. Things were… fine. Things were great, in fact, and she didn't know how to deal with that. She had to get used to the idea that her life could be something over than monotonous and awful.

Of course, it wasn't perfect, because nothing ever is. It was a great challenge for Anthy not to confine Utena. She was afflicted with nigh unbearable separation anxiety (rightly so, considering their circumstances, but still) that threatened her with the urge to take her love away and keep her all to herself, locked in some lavish prison far away from the dangers and duties of the World. (A birdcage, perhaps. The nicest birdcage, but a cage all the same.) The feeling was remarkably similar to how she felt about Dios, all those millennia ago. The witch could admit that she was a selfish person, and that she had a myriad of psychological issues ranging from fears of abandonment to sado-masochistic habits influencing her thoughts and actions. She was better than she had been, but still these hazardous feelings assailed her. Probably she should see someone about this.

She hated whenever Utena left. When she went to see her friends, or get groceries, or go to work ( _especially_ when she went to her dangerous work), Anthy would want to drag her back inside and beg her to stay. Only her incredible self-control, developed over an eternity, kept her from doing so. She knew, in her heart (and how strange it was to have one), that if she gave in to her errant desires, she would damage what they had, what they had found together. Utena would never say anything, but they would both know. They were not meant for cages. So she restrained herself, even when she felt a knot in her throat every time she caught a glimpse of red, ruined skin.

Sitting in the living room by herself, Anthy shut her eyes tiredly. It wasn't that she found Utena's burns disgusting. That absolutely wasn't the case. If it was, that would make her amazingly hypocritical, as well as immensely shallow. No, the scars weren't disgusting. They were frightening. They were petrifying.

Anthy had lived for so long. She had cared about many people, and then hadn't cared about anyone but Akio for a very long time. Caring too much, and then later playing fast and loose with people's lives, gave her intimate knowledge of death, grief, and the extent of human mortality.

Utena was human. It was so hard to remember that sometimes, but when she did, it hit her like a fist to the chest. Utena was _human_. Humans were fragile. Their bodies were flimsy and ephemeral, similar to how ghosts were often described. They could be overcome by creatures smaller than their own cells, and yet they had the nerve (for shame) to be careless with their lives. Their capacity for recklessness was unmatched, leading them to do things like swing long pieces of metal at each other, look to stand in places they were never meant to see, and rise against forces that threaten to crush them time and again.

_Like running around willy nilly in burning buildings_ , Anthy thought with a touch of bitterness. She sighed, getting to her feet to fetch tea for herself. Chu Chu followed after her, wondering aloud at his friend's shift in mood. He hopped from chair to table to counter, standing by the stove as the witch set a kettle of water to boil. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him put his paws on his hips and watch her. "It's nothing, Chu Chu."

"Chu _chu_ ," he said, disclosing that he could see through her bluff, as always. She let out another sigh and looked up at the ceiling.

"What are we going to do?" She said. He didn't answer. Instead, he climbed up the sleeve of her sweater, using the individual holes like rungs on a ladder. Once he got up on her shoulder, he pointed to the clock in the microwave above the stove. It read 4:23. It was almost time for Utena to return from work. She had to put her thoughts and fears ( _despair_ ) aside. Older and more observant, Utena might notice. Anthy didn't want that. It was bad of her to hide ( _lie, again_ ), but she never claimed to a good person. Why Utena thought so was beyond her.

She cut off the hiss and shriek of the kettle and grabbed a mug from the fridge. The one that met her hand bore the logo of Utena's station. A plain design, but enough to get the point across, she supposed. Four parts around a red circle where the number 13 was displayed in white. The top part read Chic., short for the name of the city, of course, and the bottom part contained the letters F and D for fire department. In the part to the left was the outline of a fire hydrant, and the right held an axe and a hose crossed in an X. She stared at it a moment. Her fingers twitched with the fleeting desire to smash it against the floor.

She prepared her drink and took a seat at the small kitchen table, noticing some leftover grains of rice from their breakfast dried up and sticking to the wood. She sipped. The apartment was as quiet as she was. It seemed that it was responding to her emotions, odd for such a new and modern building; not to mention, one she had only stayed in for a short time. It almost made her smirk. _What does that say about my emotions these days?_ She wondered wryly.

Utena walked through the door at 4:49. Anthy heard the hard clank of keys against the hall table before a bright face peered around the corner. The witch watched a brilliant smile form there. "Hey there," Utena said, coming into the kitchen. She set her large duffel bag on the other chair before moving to lean over and give Anthy a kiss. It was light, but not lacking in tenderness or affection, which suited the witch just fine.

"How was work?" She asked, setting her mug on the table with the label facing away from her.

"Ah, boring. We mostly just hung around the station, 'til someone set fire to a trash heap about seven blocks from here close to one pm." Utena said all this as she moved about the kitchen and the hallway, taking off her shoes, jacket, scarf, and gloves.

"Why would someone do that? A trash heap seems like something you'd never want to burn."   Her relief at hearing this news could be matched by very few other instances in her life.

Utena shrugged. "Lots of reasons, really. There are a few homeless folks that hang around there. It's not unreasonable to think that they might have set it for warmth, only for it to get out of hand. On the other hand, someone may have set it to get those homeless people out. Scare them away and all that. It's just as likely." Anthy heard a hint of anger, or maybe frustration was a better word. "Could've been an accident, or it could've been that someone just wanted to set something on fire. I've never understood that urge myself."

"If it was on purpose, it could happen again," the witch pointed out. Utena glanced at her and nodded solemnly.

"It could," she agreed. "But we'll be ready if it does. Trash piles aren't as big of a danger as they used to be, now that this is a city of metal and stone. There are significantly more people on the job now, I might add. There'll be no more great fires if we have anything to say about it." _How confident she is_.

Anthy shook herself. _Stop it, stay engaged. Be happy_. She stood up deliberately to take her mug to the sink. While there, she felt Utena stand behind her and put hands on her shoulders. "And how was your day?"

"Fine."

"Are you sure?" Utena's hands started to rub her back, thumbs gently pressing inward. "You seem a little tense." The massaging sensation made the witch shut her eyes.

"I'm fine," she said, before turning around. "I just… miss you when you go. That's all."

Utena smiled sympathetically. "I miss you when I go, too." She glanced around. "You aren't going stir crazy, are you? You don't have to stay here."

Admittedly, that was probably a small part of the problem. But, Anthy simply said, "Where do I have to be?"

Her love shrugged. "I dunno. It doesn't need to be someplace you _have_ to be. You don't need a reason to go anywhere. You could go to the park. I think you'd like it there, especially in spring. Or there's a bunch of shops and restaurants around this area." She smirked. "Shopping Channel's got stuff, yeah, but not everything."

"Have you forgotten my habit of being petrified by crowds?" Anthy asked dryly.

"No," Utena said with a head shake. "But, maybe we can work on that."

"I've felt this way for a long time, Utena."

"I know. Well, I know enough. I didn't say I expected overnight success." She smiled softly, encouragingly. "We'll take it slow. Baby steps and all that." She angled her head to get a better look into Anthy's eyes. "Does that sound like something worth trying?

"Perhaps," Anthy conceded. Her answer made that pretty face brighten up again.

"I'll take a perhaps. Wanna start now? There's this place I want to take you to."

"Sure," Anthy said after a moment of thought, and she found that her smile was genuine this time.

"Great! I'll grab your coat for you. We'll make a date out of it!" Utena walked out of the room and then reappeared holding their jackets. Anthy took hers and put it on. It was, as Utena phrased it, a "real jacket". It was snug and thick, made of some material that kept heat from escaping. There was even some fake fur lining the hood. Utena had brought it home the other day, saying "You can call it a gift, a frivolity, or a waste of money if you'd like, but it's me making sure you survive more than two weeks in this weather." She had smiled as she handed the purple thing over. "Plus, it matches your hair."

The memory made her feel warmer than the jacket did. When they walked out of the apartment and she shut the door behind them, she resolved to also shut the door on her worries and her doubts. For now.

 

When the time came to make the drive on the morning of Thanksgiving, the backseat of Utena's car was occupied by a large duffel bag (different from the one the other day) and two small coolers. "Mamá doesn't approve of alcohol in her house except on special occasions like holidays, so I'm expected to provide whenever I come over," Utena had explained when Anthy inquired about the bottles of beer, rum, and sake she was packing.

"Not a fan, I suppose?"

"Eh, she'll drink a little, to fulfill societal expectations, but that's it really. Her father, my grandda, died of a shot liver from drinking so much, so she's understandably wary of the whole convention."

It was still fascinating to hear Utena talk about family. Not pining for one like she had at Ohtori, but actually having one as a part of her life. Anthy was glad, delighted to see that Utena had found a better home than the one she had sought with Anthy and Akio (laboring under a ludicrous, misguided delusion that they were in any way happy). She was excited to meet these people, even the two that Utena was so displeased with.

As the car made its way down the highway through the country outside of the city, Anthy asked, "Why does your family celebrate Thanksgiving? Doesn't it seem odd for a group of Russian immigrants and a Japanese man?"

"Because it's the American way, and they're American citizens." Utena smirked and sounded as though she was quoting something she had heard numerous times. "As much as they remember the old country fondly, they don't miss living there. They came here and have done their best since then to assimilate. Of course, some things are still sacred, but yeah… They _like_ Thanksgiving, the idea behind it, and the fact that it's a giant feast." She smiled. "I like it too, for that second reason." That made Anthy chuckle.

"Is there anything else I should know about before we get there?" She smiled gently. "Perhaps about these two cousins you're so unhappy with?"

Utena's demeanor almost instantly changed, and she growled, but Anthy knew it wasn't directed at her. "Sonya and Adrian are stuck-up brats. They've hated me since the first time we met, and after the first couple unpleasant encounters I was quite happy to return the sentiment." She was glaring hard at the road out the front windshield. "They've looked down their noses at me for years. They think they're better than me because they went to _college_ , they have _degrees_ , they're _straight_ and therefore not a shame on the family." She tossed her hair back fiercely. "As if being an accountant and a PR head are better than being a fire fighter and saving people's lives." Anthy reached over and soothingly put her hand on Utena's knee. The prince glanced at her and took a deep breath, relaxing her white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel. "Sorry, they just piss me off. Listen, when we get there… they're not going to be silent on the matter of the two of us. Be prepared for some thinly veiled biting remarks sent your way. 'Guess college really taught them how to speak, because they can cut you with a knife hidden in a napkin and you can't do anything about it without making yourself look bad. It drives me nuts."

Hmm, that didn't sound particularly challenging to Anthy, but then again the witch was well-versed in such things herself. Subtlety and passive aggression were her forte, especially with an added magical touch. She envisioned what she would do if these two people were to upset Utena. A gentle invisible hand guiding a glass into someone's lap, possibly, or maybe a chair leg would mysteriously come loose from its holding. Maybe, juuusst maybe, a wild animal would appear in the window and jump into someone's food. Anthy smiled. Immature or not, she was a shameless prankster on top of everything else, and she wouldn't allow anyone to make her love feel bad about herself.

"Are their parents the same?" She asked, hopefully steering the conversation someplace safer.

Utena sighed. "No, they're not. It's really strange, how such nice people could wind up with such punk kids. It's true that Aunt Roza was initially against Mamá and Papi adopting me, but that wasn't anything against me; at least, it had never seemed that way. She was more worried that my parents wouldn't be able to afford raising a child without the money from the government. She and Uncle Petyr have always been kind to me." Perhaps, but Utena had a tendency to see the best in people, and not look much farther than that. Anthy was much more cynical, and therefore was suspicious of this supposedly kind couple. She would judge them herself when they met.

"While we're there, Mamá is probably going to try and interrogate you, make sure you're really the proper lady she thinks you are for me. She's probably going to ask where you're from, what you do for a living, what your… what your family is like. So, you should decide what all you want to say. I'll roll with whatever you choose."

"What do they already know?"

"About you, well… nothing, really. When my memories of you came back, I knew I couldn't just tell them about you, not without lying a lot. They know that I had a friend who was in a really bad home situation. They know I tried to help, and that's why I got hurt, lost my memory, and woke up on the other side of the globe. But they don't know your name, or any of the details about the situation we were in. I never had the courage to say, or the words."

Anthy sat back in her seat and let out a long breath. "Very well. I will think of something." Utena nodded. "Do you want them to know? Who I am?"

The woman shrugged. "It's really up to you, babe. I can work with anything." She managed a small grin. "Though, doubtless there will be more questions if you tell them, and those questions might get… uncomfortable for you. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

Anthy smiled and squeezed Utena's knee. "I know, thank you, darling. Don't worry about it. Whatever happens, it will all be fine. As long as I have you, I'll be perfectly fine."

Utena smiled. "Funny. I feel the exact same way."

 

They reached the house an hour or so later. It was in a small, secluded (lovely) suburb bordered by some farms on either side. The house was a modest size, constructed of worn red brick and what looked like new white siding. The front door was a dark blue, as were the open shutters on the windows. Inside the windows, small stained glass displays could be seen. They all depicted flowers; tulips, petunias, and simple roses in yellow and white made the front exterior seem approachable and friendly. Anthy paused in front of the door to look closer at the style.

"Mamá likes to see flowers, even in winter," Utena explained, smiling fondly.

"I understand the way she feels," Anthy said, watching the emotions cross over the other woman's face.

Utena's finger hung over one of the yellow blooms. "She didn't grow roses before they adopted me," she said. "She noticed me lingering around the white roses in the plant section of WalMart and she picked up some seeds."

"Why yellow as well?" Anthy asked, intensely curious. Of all colors, she couldn't fathom why Nanami's would be here next to Utena's. Blue or orange would be more fitting. Though, she supposed blue roses couldn't exist outside of her personal greenhouse. Not here in the real world.

"It's Mamá's favorite color," Utena responded. "I like yellow too, when it's this pale shade." She grinned. "I always thought Nanami would look better in this shade. That awful uniform of hers…"

Anthy giggled. "You'd best be careful what you say about Nanami's clothes. She might be able to hear you, wherever she is."

Utena snorted indelicately. "That sounds like something she could do. And she'll come rushing here on the backs of her three cronies to tell me off, call me a boy-girl, and accuse me of trying to ruin her life again." She smiled brightly when Anthy laughed, before taking her hand and drawing them close together. She was about to say something more when the front door opened.

A woman who could only be Utena's mother stood in the doorway smiling. "Well, don't just stand there," she said. "Flowers can be admired at any time, but parents will be patient only for so long."

"Sorry, Mamá," Utena said, letting go of Anthy's hand to embrace the woman. "We like your flowers, and you know they don't have stuff as pretty as this in the city. I must admire where I can."

"Oh, nonsense," her mother said. The two broke apart and the woman patted Utena affectionately on the cheek. This was before her clear, sharp gaze turned to Anthy, darting up and down in a quick fire assessment. Anthy was, of course, unfazed, and met the appraisal head on. "And you must be Anthy. I am Karolina." She held out her hand, and when Anthy did the same, she shook with a firm grip that Anthy matched. The witch saw the first signs of approval in the younger woman's gaze.

"It's a pleasure to meet you in person, ma'am. Utena talks a lot about you."

Karolina threw her hands up with a scoff. "Probably whining." Anthy noted with relief that there was no malice in her tone.

Still, Utena puffed up in offense. "Hey, I do _not_ whine," she argued.

"Oh of course you don't," Karolina countered with a sly smirk. She turned on her heel and walked back inside the house with an unspoken command for them to follow. "That certainly wasn't whining I heard in our phone call when I mentioned Sonya and Adrian. Or when we had that beef roast last month without your favorite sauce. That certainly wasn't complaining I heard."

Utena scowled halfheartedly, and held up a hand. "Alright, alright, enough skewering my reputation around my girlfriend please." Anthy didn't bother to hide her giggle behind her hand, even when Utena pouted cutely at her with light pink tingeing her cheeks. Once inside, Anthy shut the door while Utena took off her jacket. She allowed the other woman to take her jacket too and hang them up.

"Let's get to the family room," Utena said, changing the subject. "Papi is most likely there, watching the football game." She took Anthy's hand and led her further into the house. Karolina, meanwhile, retreated into what Anthy assumed was the kitchen. Down the hall past an opening to the kitchen and dining room was a sitting area with blue carpet, blue walls, and somewhat mismatched furniture with blue blankets and throw pillows. "Blue is Papi's favorite color," Utena murmured, pointing to the man sitting on one end of the couch. That man saw them and beamed before getting up.

"There's my girl!" He said, before his dark eyes swiveled to Anthy. "And another girl I'm happy to meet."

Utena smiled. "Hi Papi!" She went to give her father a hug. Upon pulling away, she said, "Papi, this is my girlfriend Anthy. Anthy, this is my Papi."

"It's very nice to meet you, Anthy," he said. "I am Takehiro." He was a handsome man, all things considered, nothing like Touga or Akio though. His features made him look honest, and Anthy got the same sort of feeling from his presence.

Anthy shook his hand and bowed politely. "It's very nice to meet you too, sir."

"Well, I won't lie, my daughter certainly picked a looker," he said, playfully admiring. Anthy smiled and was surprised to discover that she wasn't being insincere. She didn't get any sense of arousal or sexual desire from him. He was merely stating a fact. This was rare indeed for a man, and remarkably refreshing. It was an excellent first impression.

"I appreciate the praise," she told him.

"So how did you two meet for the first time?" Takehiro asked. As he spoke, he made his way back over to the couch. "Please, sit," he added. "Make yourself comfortable."

Utena chanced a subtle glance at Anthy as they sat down together on a loveseat. The witch smiled at her reassuringly.

"We actually met in high school," she said, and almost instantly witnessed shock in Takehiro's face; he didn't have particularly impressive facial control. "We were classmates in the same year."

"Really?" He looked at Utena, and so did Anthy.

The other woman didn't miss a beat. "Yeah, I know, Papi. I was stunned too." She smiled. "Anthy and I ran into each other the other day on the street. Pure happy coincidence."

"That's… wow, I don’t even know what to say. But I guess you two must have really hit it off then."

"Yes," Anthy agreed, reaching out to take Utena's hand. "We were very good friends back then. I'm not surprised that we're here now."

Takahiro regained his smile but kept a hint of that shock and bewilderment; in a way, he looked winded. He let out a chuckle. "I can imagine. I hope you can excuse my surprise. I would never have expected…"

"Expected what?" Karolina was walking into the room. She sat down on the arm of her husband's chair.

Takahiro looked up at her while pointing at Utena and Anthy. "These two are old high school friends."

Karolina had better facial suppression than he did, but her eyes gave it all away. She was just as stunned, and looked at Anthy with a new kind of interest. The witch could practically see the questions forming in her mind.

They didn't come out, yet. "Well, isn't that nice? A surprise reunion!"

"Heh, it certainly was surprising," Utena agreed. Under her breath, she added, "'Specially the pepper spray part." Anthy's cheeks heated up.

Karolina was about to say something when the doorbell rang. Instead, she smiled politely at them and went to answer. Takahiro also excused himself to get a drink. Now alone in the room, Utena leaned over and kissed Anthy's flushed cheek. "Don’t worry, babe," she said with a grin. "My eyes feel better now. Besides, Chu Chu found it hilarious."

Anthy let out a disbelieving, breathy giggle. "You're ridiculous," she said sincerely. Utena beamed.

"I like being ridiculous," she said, and she took Anthy's chin and turned her face so she could reach her lips. Unable to resist it, Anthy sank into the kiss, momentarily losing track of where she was and who else was in the house. _Powerful magic_ , she mused. _That could make me forget myself so easily_. Utena was just as enthralled, and it seemed that things were headed in an indecent and potentially mortifying direction, but the awkward embarrassment (that seemed inevitable in retrospect) instead came without any of the pleasure of indecency.

"Guess who's here!" The pair split apart quickly, faces flushed. There was even a thin line of drool between them when they separated. They looked toward the stairs with startled expressions. Karolina had appeared in the doorway again, but Anthy was unsure of how much she had seen.  There was an unfamiliar man at her side. He was thoroughly average in Anthy's view; normal height, a common face, and a fairly middling build. He had light brown hair and thick brows that sat above dark eyes. His face was a standard oval shape with a wrinkle in the form of a cleft chin. Freckles dotted his nose and under his eyes, but there weren't so many as to draw undue attention. _Average_ , she thought once again.

"Danny!" Anthy turned in surprise to look at Utena, who had risen off the couch and was walking over to the stranger. She hugged him. Anthy, who had not risen, watched the spectacle with distaste. The hug lasted two seconds too long for the witch's liking. She saw the man's hand on Utena's back. Who gave him the right?

When they released one another, Utena looked to her mother. "Mamá, you never mentioned that you were inviting him." Anthy hoped that there was disapproval in her voice, but, knowing Utena, it was probably the opposite. But then, her beloved looked at her with that pretty smile, excited and eager, failing to hide the heat of arousal still present on her face. She said, "Anthy! Come meet my friend. His name is Danny."

Rising, Anthy walked with confidence and assurance, even if hostile was a more accurate summary of her at the moment. She could feel it. She had to put this boy in his place. She cordially offered her hand, making sure to look the intruder right in the eyes as she did so. "It's nice to meet you, Danny…"

"Oh, Danny Warwick." He offered her a polite smile as he shook her hand. She returned it with grace, but remained cool.

"Danny, this is Anthy, my girlfriend," Utena said, gesturing to her. Anthy took note of the instant dismay on the boy's face, for all that he tried to hide behind courtesy. It pleased her. _Yes_ , she thought. _You'll get nothing here, whelp_.

"A pleasure," Danny managed to say. The odds were that no one else in the room could hear the strain in his voice.

"So what brings you out here? I thought you were over in Indiana," Utena said, drawing his attention away, but Anthy continued to observe him.

"I was just in town helping out with a friend's project. You remember Li, don't you? He wants to renovate his parents' old place."

"Well, it was about time for that six years ago, but better late than never I guess," Utena said, putting a hand in one pocket as she spoke.

"Didn't you mention that the supports on the one side were falling apart?" Karolina asked, chiming in.

Danny turned to her. "Yeah!" He exclaimed brightly, and it seemed he momentarily forgot his distress. He went on about the problems of the house, how all the wiring needed to be replaced and that the basement needed serious flood-proofing, etc etc. Anthy wasn't interested. She merely kept an air of concern as the other three had their own conversation. Utena gave her two cents here and there. They discussed the apparently common dangers of wiring in older homes, which Anthy supposed Utena would have cause to know a fair bit about. Karolina didn't seem to know as much, but she added in information she found in newspapers and magazines on the topic of house renovation. They went back and forth on a few statistics, talked about the kind of life expectancies you could get with different kinds of support beams, and the pros and cons of various brands of paint.

It was unspeakably dull. Anthy wanted to walk away, or change the subject, or do _something_ to move things forward a bit. She had no patience for this anymore. She took a step closer to Utena and took her hand, balancing subtlety with making sure it was in full view of the other two people. Utena's mouth twitched and she ran her thumb over the witch's knuckles. "What's up, babe?" She asked.

Anthy shrugged. "Nothing," she said with a casual shrug. Tacking on a playful grin, she added, "But wouldn't it be nicer to move this conversation off of the steps."

"Oh, of course," Karolina said, waving her hands at them. "Oh! And I don't think I ever offered you all drinks. How uncouth of me!"

"It's fine, Mamá. I'll just get a beer for myself from my bag."

"Here's one," said Takahiro, appearing from the kitchen with a bottle in hand. "Your favorite."

Utena's face lit up. "Whoa, thanks, Papi! You didn't say you were buying this for me." She exclaimed with glee as she took the bottle from him.

"Well, consider it a surprise." Takehiro said with a smile.

"I can't believe Mamá let you keep it in the fridge."

The older man shrugged. "I can do a pretty good job of convincing her. Ow!" There was a thwapping sound, and then he was chuckling and rubbing the back of his head where Karolina had smacked him.

Anthy leaned over to see the label. It read "Old Rasputin Imperial Stout" and it held a picture of the infamous conman in the center. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the boy wrinkle his nose.

"I'll never understand how you stomach that black pitch," he said as he accepted water from Karolina.

"Don't knock what you've never even tasted, ya wimp." Her retort was punctuated by a shove to the shoulder.

"Oh I've had the dark stuff before. Nearly spit it back into the glass. Nasty," he said with a disapproving shake of the head. Utena scoffed at him before taking a swig.

"Would you like anything, Anthy?" Karolina asked while the other two bickered in the background. "We have beer as you can see, and Utena brought plenty of things, I'm sure. We also have soda, lemonade, apple cider…"

"A glass of lemonade sounds wonderful," Anthy said, putting on a charming smile. "Thank you, Karolina." She could almost hear the gears turning in the other woman's head. Karolina smiled back, and the witch saw approval, most likely of her manners.

"Well, I'll fetch that for you right away." She left for the kitchen. Anthy tugged on Utena's hand to pull her down the stairs. They went back to the love seat together, forcing Danny to take up a spot on the couch, _far_ away. There was awkward silence for a long minute that the witch had no desire to break. Utena seemed oblivious to it, drinking her beer cheerfully and playing with Anthy's fingers.

No one spoke until Karolina appeared once more, coming down the stairs to hand Anthy her beverage.

"So," the other woman said, her accent adding an interesting punctuation to the word. "Anthy, Utena has told us nothing about you." She side eyed the girl in question, who almost choked on her drink. "What do you do?" She asked as she also took a seat on the couch.

Anthy took a sip from her lemonade and thought hard and fast. She formulated a response as quickly as it took to swallow and set the drink down. "In terms of a job? I'm actually unemployed at the moment." She waved her hand lightheartedly, adding a minute touch of embarrassment to her manner to sell the charade. "I just finished a world tour of sorts."

"World tour? That sounds exciting. Tell us where you went."

"Oh, here and there." _Everywhere_. "I didn't get to as many places as I would have liked." _But I did. I looked everywhere_. "I started in Japan, of course, visiting the cities I'd never been to before. Then I went to South Korea before visiting a few places in Russia."

"Oh?" Karolina interrupted. "I hope you found the place alright." She spoke of her home country as if it was a beloved old house. "When were you there? Not in winter, I hope."

"No, it was late summer when I arrived. I found it nice actually."

"Well, I hope so, because Russia has not been a… good place for quite some time. I'll admit that. But it's good to hear that you enjoyed yourself. And Korea too? I hope you weren't there when the Northern half was collapsing in on itself."

"Oh no," Anthy lied after taking a sip of lemonade to hide a wickedly smug smile. "I managed to avoid all of that completely. After Russia, I made my way through Western Europe, and then I spent some time in South America."

"She's been to Brazil, Mamá," Utena chimed in, smiling.

"Really?" Karolina's eyes lit up with excitement. "Oh, I have always wanted to visit there. Tell me all about it, please. Was it as beautiful as they always say it is?"

The conversation switched like that with ease. Anthy was content to entertain with tales of exotic places and adventures. She felt as though she had just passed two or three in a long series of tests.

Admittedly, she was worried when Utena's mother asked about her work or lack thereof. Being truthful, Anthy hadn't even considered such things before. In retrospect, it was foolish. She remembered the conversation that she had with Utena the other day, about getting out of the apartment. Maybe she really should do something about that.

The witch's role in the conversation petered off for a time as Karolina, Utena, and the trespassing boy talked about the weather in Chicago versus the weather in southern places, a banal topic but suitable, she supposed. Free to let her mind and eyes wander, she went back to watching the trespasser. He was looking Anthy. Or rather, he was looking at Anthy next to Utena. If the witch was a dog, her hackles would be up and her teeth would be bared. As it was, she felt like snarling. _Who are you to look at us with that face?_

She put her hand on Utena's knee, shimmying closer to her on the couch. Utena stayed involved in the conversation, but her cheeks gained a pink hue. Meanwhile, Danny's expression fell infinitesimally, filling the witch with shallow satisfaction.

But then… _Hold on_. Was she being petty? She let out a sub-audible sigh. _Yes_ , she thought. Petty and jealous; downright territorial, something she shouldn't be. It wasn't as though he was a bad person, or at least he didn't seem to be. She was sure he was just as flawed as any other average human, and hadn't (to her knowledge) done anything to deserve any more contempt from her than the next man. Plus, he did make Utena happy, something that Anthy wanted before most other things in life. She shouldn't be so resentful. Still…

This Daniel was looking at Utena in away Anthy had seen before, many times. She remembered this look better than any of the faces that had ever worn it. Longing. Infatuation. A mix of desire and sadness. Many duelists had looked at the witch in this way over the years, so often that their faces blurred together in a strangely generic amalgamation of features.

Seeing such an expression aimed at Utena, however, brought a little more clarity. This boy reminded her of Miki. Oh yes, she had been well aware of the feelings Miki had developed for the champion by the end of the games. She'd known about Juri's as well. None of them had been very good at hiding their emotions. At times, they had been more obvious than Utena, which was saying something.

Back then, Anthy hadn't been bothered, couldn’t be bothered really. But now, it upset her quite a bit, obviously. She detested this man, reviled him. Whether she had a right to feel this way or not, she wanted to run him out. Utena was _hers_. She had to be. Anthy had worked too hard, searched too long, and invested too much faith and hope for that not to be true. Utena belonged to her, and only her. She had to. _Hers, hers, hers_ …

...And that was a dangerous train of thought, wasn't it? Anthy looked down at her hands, where it was safe to stare, and tried to school herself. She attempted to discipline her mind, and hopefully her emotions by extension. The witch reminded her vicious heart that no matter how many boys and girls looked at Utena, Utena only looked at _her_. The other woman had made her feelings quite clear. Anthy knew this with confidence.

Still…

She was right about herself the other day. She was jealous, ferociously so, and it left a bitter taste in her mouth that she hadn't expected. Left alone with her thoughts, she wondered, _What am I supposed to do with this?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was a beast of thing, eh? I remember a time not so long ago when the longest chapter I ever produced was 8 pages, and I was ecstatic.
> 
> This is what happens when you go to college, children. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it! See you next time!


	6. Hey, Jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, finally. Sorry it took so long to put this up. I had to set this aside completely to finish out my junior year and I've been working at my internship since May, so there hasn't really been much time to work. What's more is that this chapter is really long. Like really long, guys. This was a 37 page document. I hope that makes up for the wait. Enjoy!

Shortly after the arrival of Danny, there was another ring at the door. Karolina had been entertaining them with a humorous story about Utena as a seventeen-year-old learning to drive, but she unfortunately had to postpone the thrilling conclusion to answer.

"Ugh, fuck," Utena murmured under her breath.

"What?" Anthy asked.

"They're here," Utena said ominously, before tossing back the remainder of her beer in one large gulp. Anthy looked toward the door. She could hear the voices but not the words. There were footsteps, the rustling of coats, a laugh, and then four new people were joining them in the living room. The first in sight was an older man. He was a tall man with an interestingly narrow face and a sharp nose. His eyes were dark and had the same shape as Karolina's, but they were set a bit further back in his head. A shock of salt-and-pepper hair topped it all off. The witch presumed this to be Petyr, the uncle.

Coming up beside him was a much younger man that shared the other's interesting countenance, but there was something off about him. Anthy got a vibe of… slickness from this one. _Was that the right word?_ Maybe not, but he seemed like the kind of man who was very charismatic and never for the right reasons. He seemed the type that could charm you and convince you to believe anything, and rarely what you should believe at that. Yes, that was it. This man was a snake in the garden. He had that look in his eyes; Anthy knew it well. _Adrian, then_.

Those two stepped down to let the others through. Karolina came down first, followed by a woman around her same age. She was blonde and blue-eyed, of average height and thin as a rail. This had to be Roza, and Anthy made the educated guess that she was the sister-in-law rather than sister of Karolina. Petyr and Karolina bore a strong resemblance, both with their dark hair and eyes. Karolina also had that same sharp nose, whereas Roza's was smaller and a touch flatter by comparison.

Behind her came the final stranger, who could only be Sonya. Like Adrian and Petyr, she was a brunette with brown eyes. She had a face like Roza's, not as long as the men in her family. As such, she wasn't as interesting, instead fitting on more conventional scales of beauty. As with her brother, Anthy didn't like the look in Sonya's eyes. It was cool and calculating. She was the kind that looked at people to evaluate them, determine their usefulness, and plan for how they could be used to further her goals. It reminded Anthy of Touga, although not as extreme. It reminded Anthy of herself, and wasn't that a cheerful thought?

All in the same place now, this family of unknowns made things more complicated, but Anthy's breathing remained easy. It was a small room and there were many people now, but somehow she found it didn't bother her much. She wondered about that. Was it the atmosphere? Things were light and friendly in this room. This whole building was saturated with the feeling of _home_. Yes, that could be it. Or maybe her company was keeping her grounded. She glanced at Utena, who, in the time it took Anthy to analyze everything (a few seconds), had managed to become so uncomfortable that she was fidgeting in her seat. Her face was contorted in a barely concealed grimace and her fingers were drumming restlessly against her thighs. Anthy would never say, but it was very cute.

"I'm so glad everyone was able to make it," Karolina said brightly. "Would the four of you like anything to drink?"

"Oh, just some water for now, Karolina," Roza said, taking Karolina's hand smiling warmly. She too had a Russian accent, but hers was softer, as if she spent more time around native English speakers and learned to speak the language more naturally. Perhaps she was second generation.

"I will take a glass of your finest," boomed Petyr, his voice loud and bold. He had a big smile on his face, and he walked confidently to shake hands with Takahiro, who returned the gesture with just as much enthusiasm.

"I'd love some water, Aunt Karolina," said the boy, Adrian. His voice was smooth and suspiciously lacking in accent. He must have learned to rid himself of it. "What about you, Son'?"

Sonya waved a dismissing hand. "I'm actually alright for now, Aunt Karolina. Thank you, though." Hmm… It seemed that, if nothing else, she was genuine to her aunt.

"I'll get those for you right away!" Karolina made her escape back up the stairs and into the kitchen. As she left, the family of four moved about the room to greet everyone else. The boy approached Anthy and Utena first.

"Hello, Utena," Adrian said, courteous enough to be above reproach, but cold enough to eliminate any notions of closeness between them. His greeting was the epitome of civil indifference.

"Adrian." Utena was curt, dismissive. She didn’t speak angrily or snidely, just tersely. There was no attempt to hide her lack of interest in speaking to him. She was direct like that. The boy took it in stride, smoothly turning to greet Anthy.

"I don't believe we've met," he said, with a polite smile. He extended his hand. "I am Adrian Mihaylov."

It was time for Anthy to begin the dance. She put on her most charming smile, stood up, and put her hand in his. In this game, it was wise to meet opponents and partners upfront and with grace.

"Anthy Himemiya. It's lovely to meet you, Adrian Mihaylov," she said.

"I take it you came here with my cousin," he said. Anthy noted how he failed to use Utena's name, pointedly making the statement more impersonal.

"Yes, I did." Anthy tossed a well-timed smile back at the woman in question, whose expression warmed at the sight. Then Anthy looked back at Adrian. "She and I are old school friends, and though we haven't been dating very long, we wanted to see her family."

The smile on his face wavered for the smallest moment before becoming rather fixed. Anthy: 1.

"How nice," he managed to say before extracting his hand and stepping back. Anthy turned her attention to the sister.

"You must be Sonya," she said brightly as she offered her hand, making the first move because she knew that Sonya wouldn't. The revulsion was already there in the other woman's gaze, but Anthy's upfront, unshakeable friendliness would pressure her to respond with courtesy or risk losing face.

"I am," she said, stepping forward slowly and shaking Anthy's hand with reluctance that someone less observant would not have seen. The witch saw it all. Anthy: 2. "So you two met in high school, I take it?"

"Middle school, technically, although the school system in Japan works a little differently than it does here. It was when we were both fourteen." Another lie, as seamless as all the rest.

"It's nice to hear that you two were able to meet again, considering…"

"It's nice" really meant "It's interesting", and Anthy couldn't begrudge her that. "Yes," she agreed. The moment ended, and Anthy reached back to Utena, who took her hand easily. The discomfort and resentment faded from the woman's expression and posture as she did so, and she smiled warmly. Anthy smiled back. "It is very nice," the witch said.

Introductions over, her two young adversaries retreated for the time being.

The mother was next. "I'm so glad to hear that you two are happy together. Karolina was telling me all about it just the other day." She let out a scoffing noise and shook her head at herself. "Oh forgive me. Where have all my manners gone? I am Roza, and this is my husband, Petyr."

"A pleasure," the man at her side said in that gruff voice with a cheerful smile. Anthy shook both of their hands and was surprised to find no obvious insincerity in these two. Unlike their children, they seemed genuinely happy to meet her and see their niece. The witch watched as they both greeted Utena happily. Utena was just as delighted, getting up with a bright grin to hug them. What an intriguing twist.

"Ah, is everyone introduced?" Karolina said, returning from the kitchen with beverages in hand. "That's good! Dinner will be at six, but please make yourselves at home and enjoy the snacks until then."

"Oh, Karolina, let me help you. I brought the butter you asked for…" Roza and Karolina chatted away as they went to the kitchen together, leaving the room a little less crowded. Petyr smacked Takahiro on the shoulder amiably and took the seat next to him on the couch.

Danny, who had been tactfully silent throughout this, took the remote to turn up the volume on the television. Sonya and Adrian separated, the girl taking the other chair in the corner and Adrian taking the last seat on the couch. The girl seemed uninterested in football, but the boy seemed to enjoy it. He leaned forward as he watched in earnest.

Anthy sat back down next to Utena. Utena took her hand and squeezed it gently. Anthy settled in for now, deciding not to rock the boat until someone else did it first.

Chit chat was minimal from that point and generally kept between pairs or small groups. Petyr and Takahiro were especially talkative to one another, joking and laughing. Light talking could be heard from the kitchen. The noise was oddly comforting.

"That went better than I expected," Utena murmured so that only Anthy could hear her. "You rock at this, babe."

Anthy shrugged and smiled. "It's a skill anyone can learn. I've just had a long time to do so."

"It shows," Utena said, grinning in a proud way. "Want some food?" She nodded at the kitchen. "I was just going to bring down the plates for everyone."

The witch nodded. "I'd love some, dearest."

"Great!" Utena leaned in for a peck on the cheek before standing up. "Back in a flash." She sauntered up the stairs while Anthy watched her go with appreciation. Left by herself for the moment, Anthy leaned back against the sofa as her fingers lightly traced the embroidery on its arm. _Simple pattern_ , she thought. It was a series of lines and swirls, with little dots in the center of each swirl. _Simple, yet whimsical_. She found it to be cheering. Everything at Ohtori had been so elaborate. Everything had been big and bright, ostentatious to the extreme. Even the uniforms and notebooks had more intricate designs than this loveseat. _Little differences, yet so refreshing_.

"Here you go!" Anthy looked up to see a paper plate in front of her nose. She took it and smiled thankfully at Utena. The other woman reclaimed her spot with a plate of her own while Anthy saw that she had brought three plates down and set them on the coffee table. One plate was dominated by several varieties of chips and a side of pretzels. In the center was a bisected bowel of dip, one half holding salsa and the other holding what seemed to melted cheese with some sort of leafy vegetable in it. The second plate held several dozen small beef wieners, each wrapped in some manner of fluffy pastry. The last plate held assorted vegetables including carrots, broccoli, and pea pods.

Anthy looked down at her own plate and saw that Utena had given her a fair assortment from all dishes. She picked up one of the little pastry wrapped links and popped it into her mouth. She made a soft noise of surprise and pleasure, taken aback by the unexpected juiciness and the combination of buttery and meaty flavor. She licked her upper lip, catching a flake of the dough, and turned to Utena. "What are these?" She asked. Her dearest stopped stuffing her mouth with food for a moment to swallow and answer.

"Pigs in a blanket," Utena said. "Never had any?" Anthy shook her head. "Well, I guess that's understandable. I'd never had any before I came here. But they're great, aren't they? Personally, I’d make them little octopuses, but even still, they're delicious."

"Yes, they are," Anthy agreed, looking at the plate of the little things with curiosity. She wondered if they were simple enough that she could manage to make them. She looked back down at her own plate, picked up a corn chip and tried the unknown dip next.

The afternoon passed like that. Utena watched the game on the television with the same interest as the males in the room. She kept an arm around Anthy's shoulder the whole time, so the witch leaned into her. Anthy was, personally, uninterested in the sport, but she watched to pass the time. Everyone seemed quite comfortable as they were. She contented herself to follow their lead.

When the game reached its halfway point, Utena removed her arm and stood up. She smiled down at Anthy and held out her hand to her. "We should go get our stuff from the car," she said as she pulled Anthy up from the couch. They continued holding hands as they walked back down the little hallway to the front door. Utena opened the door, allowing Anthy to step out first.

"We'll grab everything and take it up to my room, okay, babe?" Utena said as she followed, car keys in hand.

"Your room here?" Anthy asked.

"That's right. It's more of a guest room now, of course." She smiled brightly. "But it will still be nice to sleep there again." At the car she retrieved the duffle bag and handed it to Anthy. Then she grabbed the two coolers and hoisted them out. "We'll drop these at the kitchen first and then head upstairs. Get the door for me, please."

Once they got back inside, Utena left the coolers on the kitchen counter while Anthy started up the front stairs. The second floor of the house held four rooms total. It appeared to be three bedrooms and a bathroom. Utena directed her to the bedroom on the far left.   The door was made of a light wood painted white. There were two nails driven in towards the top. It looked like they might be there to hang something, but they were unburdened.

"Don't mind the doorknob," Utena said as she fiddled with said device. "It's old so it sticks sometimes, but if you jiggle it a bit, it'll work just fine." She got the door open, stepped inside, and cast her arms wide. "Behold," she said melodramatically. "My old and humble abode!"

Anthy snorted and stepped in after her. She let her eyes travel the expanse of the room, taking it in. The walls were a deep green and the carpet was white. The corner across from the door was occupied by a simple wood dresser that looked like it had seen better days once upon a time. One corner over was a vanity with a large oval mirror resting on it. "When did you become a vanity type of girl?" Anthy asked.

Utena barked out a laugh. "I didn't," she said. "It was just my desk, a spot to drop all my junk, really."

The wall in between the dresser and the vanity was finished with a somewhat small but manageable rectangular window in the center. It faced the full size bed that was positioned against the back wall. The mattress was robed in light green sheets and a dark green comforter. It seemed that Utena had a fondness for dark shades, if her two bedrooms were anything to go by, and she especially liked green, it seemed. Anthy made a note.

The whole room was rather bare in terms of personal touches. Utena agreed when Anthy mentioned it. "Yeah, I moved all that stuff either to my apartment or to a box. Since this is a guest room now and all."

"I like it still," Anthy said, smiling gently.

Utena grinned back. "Glad to hear it." She pointed to the space next to the dresser. "We can put the duffel there for the night. If you want to set out your clothes so they don't get wrinkled, you can put them on top of the dresser." Anthy went about doing just that. She had to stand on her toes to put her clothes up, but she managed without needing help so she counted it as a win. As she went back down, she felt arms wrap around her from behind. Utena's body molded to her back, and she let her head rest on Anthy's shoulder.

"Oh, so this is why you wanted to come upstairs," Anthy quipped, feeling Utena's mouth quirk upward against her neck.

"Guilty as charged," Utena drawled, kissing the witch's throat. "Do you like my house, baby?"

"I do," Anthy said simply. "It's very comfortable here. Everyone is so friendly too, with the exception of one party."

"It's because you're so charismatic, Anthy. They're nice people, but they can be very _not_ nice to people they aren't impressed with. One time this lady from down the street was angry 'cause she thought I rear-ended her car when she parked it on the street. Came to our door all fired up and red-faced. She left looking quite the opposite. And she left the neighborhood not long after."

"Vicious," Anthy complimented.

"I could see you doing the same thing, if someone made you mad enough," Utena said.

" _Did_ you rear-end her car?" Anthy asked, deftly moving away from that statement.

"Not on purpose," Utena said, and the witch laughed. Utena chuckled and kissed her cheek. "Really though, I'm happy you like it here. I didn't want your world to be limited to one little subsection of Chicago."

"It's not so limited as that. I did walk the world after all. But I appreciate the thought, darling."

"No problem." They stood there quietly for a few moments more, until Utena asked if they should head back downstairs.

"Let me have a taste of one of your beers," Anthy stipulated, making the other woman laugh again.

 

Dinner came in due time. The wonderful aromas of cooked food emanated from the kitchen, and you could smell them in the dining room that everyone was currently shuffling into. Utena and Anthy took seats towards one end of the table, while Takahiro took the head on their end. A glance around revealed that Petyr had taken up at the other head while his family filled in around him. Sonya sat on the same side of the table as the two women, choosing to sit next to her mother who was next to Anthy. Adrian took the chair opposite his sister. Danny sat next to Adrian, which seemed an odd choice to Anthy, though she chose not to mention it. Karolina took the last spot, next to her husband and across from Utena and Anthy. She only sat there for a moment, however, to arrange her place before getting up again to actually get the food. "Дочь, make yourself useful."

Utena shared an amused smirk with Anthy out of her mother's sight before she stood to follow. They returned shortly after with a variety of steaming plates. Vivid colors complimented the white tablecloth, greens, browns, reds, oranges, and golds. Chatter and the clink of silverware on china decorated the silence. Everyone took turns to get their share. Anthy filled her plate with a little bit of everything, finding some foods she recognized easily and others that she didn't immediately know. Pictures flashed in her mind, pages of cookbooks that she had been given, once upon a time. She had never really paid attention to the words, but staring at them and moving her eyes back and forth had worked well to fool her champions.

There was no grand ceremony of note at this meal. Takahiro said a quick (three words) blessing and then everyone began eating without much ado. Anthy dipped her fork into mashed potatoes, whipped and heavy. The flavor was rich, unlike any singular potato dish she had had in the past. Skies knew she had eaten elaborate meals in her time, gourmet dishes with so much intensity that you might easily choke, but the simplicity of this whip actually made it all the better. The only thing it needed was a touch of salt. The shaker was, at that moment, sitting on the table between Sonya and Adrian.

The rules of engagement were in place, established by both parties. Anthy moved forward with confidence. "Could someone pass the salt, please?" She could have asked a specific person, but she wanted to see who would move first.

It was Adrian. He handed over salt with no obvious hesitance, exactly as the witch had predicted. _Rules of engagement_ , she thought smugly. He wouldn't dare insinuate his distaste or his desire to avoid her at a communal setting. That would never do. The witch took the shaker with a bright but close-lipped smile. She seasoned her food as she thought of her next step. That ploy was too easy. Anthy was willing to test the boundaries, probing for more little victories.

Allowing a few minutes of idleness to pass by, Anthy ate and listened to the conversation at hand. Sonya was discussing her work in finance. In particular, she was relaying the tale of a recent client who had fallen on particularly hard bad times. Anthy didn't care to remember the exact details, but apparently the recent economic crisis had hit this person and their family especially hard.

"I'm really worried about them, though," Sonya was saying as she played with her stuffing. "She had to cancel our meeting last week to take an extra shift at work. She's such a nice woman; I just hate to see her struggling like this." She meant it too. That was one thing to her credit at least; she was sincere about her job. It didn't matter to Anthy though. People could be sincere about a lot of positive things. That didn't make them worthwhile people. The witch listened to her woeful story with concealed indifference, but once it was over and the conversation began to shift, she made her second move.

"Darling," she purred. "Pass me the wine, won't you please?" No one could call her out on her tone necessarily even if they wanted to, particularly when her expression was schooled to exude innocence, but she was putting a distinct flavor into her interaction with Utena. The witch didn't think everyone at the table would find it palatable.

"Sure thing," Utena said, and her cheeks were tinted a light pink. She had noticed the shift too. Anthy wondered if maybe Utena would catch on to what she was trying to do, but quickly dismissed the thought. She took the bottle with a bright smile that made her beloved blush a little darker. A bonus.

For all the things at this table that she wasn't familiar with, wine was one with which Anthy was more familiar than anyone alive, save her brother. This particular bottle was white to suit the meal and from a respectable winery, but not from any year of note. As such, it was average by all accounts. Anthy noted that this must have been brought by the Mihaylovs as their gift for the party. The witch hesitated to call it a gift for the hosts, given what Utena had told her about Karolina. Anthy was sure they had thought it high brow, not knowing that in the grand scheme of things, it was on the lower end. She supposed it was just as well.

"So, An-thy," Petyr said, and her name rolled oddly (but not unpleasantly) off his tongue. "I'm to understand you met my niece in school. That was over in Japan, wasn't it?"

Anthy hid her displeasure behind one of her patented polite smiles. This line of questioning was going to shift the balance of power at the table and delay her from continuing her probing. "That's correct. We were in the same year of middle school, which would be better called the first year of high school, but oh well." She shrugged with careful casualness.

"What was it like there? Big place? Nice place?" Anthy looked at him carefully, trying to find any traces of ill intent in his words. He didn't seem to mean anything by the question, beyond general curiosity. The witch supposed that her beloved would not have easily provided any information about Ohtori to the people here, perhaps not even to her parents.

Keeping that in mind, Anthy chose her words with caution. "It was a rather large campus, yes. And as far as schools go, I suppose it was nice. I never attended another, so I can't say for certain."

"It was fancy," Utena chimed in. "Not sure about nice." Anthy's lips bent into a small but unexpected smirk, feeling a degree of petty satisfaction. "Way too many freaky statues," Utena added, and the witch giggled.

"He invested quite a bit of coin in those," she revealed through her mirth. Utena snorted indelicately.

"He?" Karolina asked, sounding intrigued. Far from being unmannered, the woman leaned forward in interest, careful to keep her elbows off the table.

Anthy was thrown for the barest instant before recovering herself. She turned to spin another yarn, all the while planning each word and inflection. She opened her mouth to speak when she felt Utena's hand on her knee. It was a comforting gesture, a subtle sign of support. Outwardly, Utena seemed unconcerned, but the light of humor that had been in her eyes moments before had gone.

Missing naught more than a beat, Anthy answered Karolina. "My brother was the headmaster of the school we attended." She kept her expression fixed, but inside she felt wry. "He enjoyed… shall we say, extravagant architecture?"

"I trust there weren't any conflicts of interest with you attending the school," Petyr said.

_Conflicts of interest_ … "Well, he wasn't a teacher," Anthy responded. "It's true that I most likely would have gone to a different school if he hadn't been given the position, but well… we'll never know. If there were any conflicts, he got rid of them."

"Did you attend college, Anthy?" Ah, Adrian decided to go on the offensive in a bold but not surprising move. He was watching her for her response too, and his attempt not to be obvious just made him seem more desperate.

A quick analysis gave Anthy all the information she needed. Here was a boy who was very attached to the value and prestige of his education. To him, anyone who didn't go to college was by definition significantly less intelligent than him. His sense of superiority---and by extension self worth---was tied to his degree. The witch conjectured that perhaps he had more difficulty getting into school than he would ever admit to anyone. The high value he seemed to place on higher education coupled with a difficult time getting accepted or getting scholarships would make for a person unreasonably attached to schooling. He was so proud of himself for getting into a school (some way, somehow) that it became an integral yet fragile part of his identity.

The witch prepared her response as she would a spell, with precision and glee. "Oh, no I never attended." She tossed her hair casually. "The application process was so tiring, but all the acceptances that kept pouring in..." She pretended to be overwhelmed by the memory. "It was like being pulled in all directions at once. Ultimately, I didn't have the heart to choose. I asked myself what I would really get out of going to college and letting it dominate four years of my life. Degrees are nice, but I decided my time would be better spent doing something for myself. Experiencing the real world at its fullest and liveliest, you know? That's why I've been touring the world for so long, so I can see all there is to see. Finances were never really an issue, and you can only see so much in a textbook."

Her answer momentarily paralyzed the entire table, which meant there had been a bit more force in her punch that the witch had meant to include, but well… she was feeling ruthless tonight. Innocent expression comfortably in place, she looked at Adrian. Outwardly, he was taking her response well, but inwardly? Oh, Anthy could see it in his eyes. She had attacked a very sensitive area of his self-image, not only by flaunting how easy it would have been for her to attend college but also by declaring how little value she actually placed in the whole convention. It was doubly insulting to him, and he was smarting terribly from the blow.

Anthy calmly went back to eating. A few moments passed before the next question came. It seemed that the rest of the group had recovered far more easily than Adrian, and they were ready to carry on the conversation once more.

"Is your brother still in Japan? How is he?" It was an innocent enough inquiry. There was no reason for Takahiro to know just what kind of thorny brambles he was grabbing at.

As such, Anthy kept her voice even and her body relaxed. Utena's hand tensed enough for both of them. "I'm afraid I wouldn't know. I haven't spoken to him in… quite some time." Internally, she figured it was probable that Akio was still at Ohtori, stuck in his endless cycle of pain. Seeing the looks of surprise and dawning concern on everyone's faces, she continued with a gentle yet dismissive wave. "My family situation was… complicated." _That's one word for it_. She offered the table a smile to reassure but also to brook no further questions on the topic. "I won't bore any of you with the details. Suffice it to say, we have not spoken recently."

Again, there was silence at the table for a time. In a different situation (say, the one a few minutes ago), Anthy might have enjoyed that. Eventually, Takahiro took back hold of things, not even trying to couch his change of subject in subtlety. He engaged Danny and asked him to tell the table at large about his recent projects. The boy struggled to get traction at first, but was soon involved in a humorous yarn about interior design mishaps. Anthy tuned it out. She wasn't asked any more questions.

She expected Utena to get just as entrenched in conversation, but the other woman was looking at her instead. Blue eyes full of tender concern, Utena's hand moved from Anthy's knee to her relaxed hand on the table. She didn't say anything, but it wasn't necessary. The witch smiled reassuringly, prompting Utena to take Anthy's hand and bring it her mouth. She pressed a soft kiss to the back of her knuckles. Anthy beamed gently, and Utena responded in kind. _All these gestures… you might even call them princely…_

Anthy turned back to her meal, but not before briefly catching Karolina's eye. She offered a courteous smile to the woman who, in turn, offered one back. Anthy could see her thinking deeply and intensely. It appeared, however, that Utena was mistaken. Karolina did not bombard Anthy with questions as she had been led to expect. The other woman seemed to have more tact than that, and the things Anthy had revealed weren't even mentioned for the rest of the meal.

The witch helped to clear the table once everyone was finished eating, and then she went into the kitchen to see what the selection of desserts was. It was one part out of interest and another part a sincere desire to get to a place with less people, just for a few minutes. It wasn't so much an effect of having to speak about Akio. Rather, they had been here a long time, and Anthy was beginning to grow tired of being near the rest of the party. Many went back to the sitting room, some went to grab items from their cars, and others moved around upstairs.

Utena was about to follow Anthy into the kitchen, but Karolina suddenly called out her name from the floor above. Utena huffed in half-hearted irritation before retreating for the stairs. Unperturbed, Anthy turned back to the sweet selection. It was honestly more diverse than she had expected for such a small gathering. There were two kinds of pie (cherry, pumpkin), a chocolate cake and a cheesecake, assorted cookies, cupcakes, and baklava of all things. If she thought it odd for a Russo-Japanese family to buy such a traditional Greek pastry, well… that was hypocritical of her, and she quickly stopped.

Anthy had never been one for food. Or rather, she had never been one to eat much. A myriad of reasons came to mind as to why, but rather than dwell on them, she chose to think proudly about her increase in appetite in recent years. Her beloved was certainly thrilled enough for three people, always beaming when she saw Anthy do something more than nibble and pick at her meal as she used to.

Starting off easy, Anthy picked a cookie for herself. Biting into it, she tasted cinnamon and a fair amount of it at that. She liked cinnamon…

Footsteps behind the witch caused her to glance back. Sonya had walked into the kitchen. Now alone, Sonya did less to hide herself. She gave Anthy a curt once-over that the witch masterfully pretended not to see. It was time to dance again, and her spiteful side was making another appearance. She decided she would play this round differently and plucked up a sweet with her free hand.

"Would you like a cookie?" Anthy said, smiling brightly and holding it out to Sonya. The woman looked like she wanted to refuse; no doubt disgusted by the idea of touching anything Anthy's hands had touched. Still, ever the civilized combatant, she contained it with polite venom.

"I'd rather not, thank you." _Interesting choice of words_.

Anthy smiled even more cheerily. "It's alright," she said. She wiggled her fingers. "Perfectly clean. I wash my hands all the time."

The look of barely contained horror on the younger woman's face was something truly beautiful to behold, especially for Anthy, who reveled in causing looks of barely contained horror. If she heard Utena---who must have returned from talking with Karolina---out in the hall raucously snickering, that was just a bonus.

Sonya finally managed something like composure and tried to fire her own weapons. "You have reason to wash your hands a lot?" Hmm, Anthy gave her a six. It was a good jab at prostitutes, but she needed to pull back a little on the contempt and be more flippantly superior. She was losing her hold on hostile civility.

The witch rolled with it, however, taking the opening it provided. "Oh yes. I love to garden, you see, so among other things my hands are often sticky. But not right now." Sonya didn't seem have the faculties to form a response to that one, and so Anthy took her grand victory primly. She started to turn away when she felt teeth lightly nipping the tip of her thumb, followed by a flick of tongue to remove melted chocolate chip from her skin. She smiled widely up at Utena, who looked immensely pleased as she chewed on her cookie. She waggled her eyebrows at the witch, eliciting a giggle from her. Anthy then took enormous pleasure in hand feeding her girlfriend in front of Sonya.

The offended woman escaped at the earliest instance, and the witch felt in the mood for a good cackle at her expense. She was thwarted, pleasantly, by lips pressing into her own. Her beloved's hands were on her hips, her breasts against her back, and her tongue carried the taste of chocolate. They had slowly but steadily become more intimate over the past week, taking everything at a mutually agreeable pace. Anthy could feel the excitement and lust build within her body with every new level of intensity. She knew Utena was even more affected, for she often struggled to hold back when they were alone. She was an earnest and honest girl, after all, and a woman of action and valor. It made her displays of self-control and consideration all the sweeter.

When they broke apart, Anthy asked, "What did your mother want?"

"Ah," Utena said, somewhat hesitantly. "Well, she… yelled at me. That's what happened."

"I didn't hear any yelling," Anthy commented quizzically.

"She was yelling at a normal volume. She's real good at that." Utena's arms moved to encircle Anthy's waist. "She's mad at me because I didn't warn her ahead of time. About who you were and stuff. She put it together after what you said."

"Oh?" The witch laid her head back on the other woman's shoulder

"Yeah," Utena continued. "She's worried that we made you uncomfortable with all our questions, and that you're going to think they're rude, terrible hosts."

Anthy chuckled. "Well, I'll tell her there's no harm done."

"Were you uncomfortable?" Utena asked softly.

Anthy shook her head. "Not really. It's obviously not the best topic for a civil dinner conversation, but they were kind enough not to pry. It allowed me to focus on my objective once more."

"Objective?" Utena queried. "Oh! Heh, you mean the punks." She chuckled and kissed the witch on the cheek. "I couldn't put my finger on it, exactly, but it felt like you've been trying to work the room ever since they arrived. And then in here, you scared Sonya the fuck off." She laughed outright. "You sent her running, tail between her legs. Could you hear me laughing?"

Anthy smiled. "I could."

Utena turned her head to whisper in the witch's ear. "You never applied to any colleges, did you?" Anthy let her smirk answer the question and Utena laughed. "Way to go," she said. She lowered her voice to gravelly false baritone. "Anthy wins! Fatality!"

"Am I supposed to understand why you're talking like that?" Anthy asked, tolerantly amused.

"Mortal Kombat, baby," Utena responded. "Remind me to introduce you to the wonders of a Playstation one of these days."

"If you say so, darling."

"Want some cheesecake? This kind is the best." Utena gently released her to grab desert for herself. Anthy grabbed a napkin to wipe her damp fingers off before following.

She was nibbling on cheesecake in comfortable silence with her beloved until her peace was shattered by an intruder in her domain. Alright, maybe Karolina's kitchen wasn't her domain, but her back was up all the same.

Danny had walked in. Utena smiled brightly at him, and he returned it, much to Anthy's displeasure. The boy had that look in his eyes again. Fool.

"How are you enjoying family time, Danny?" Utena asked humorously.

The boy laughed a little. "Well, it's never boring here for sure. Can't say your visiting family didn't add… a certain something to dinner tonight."

"You mean all those whack comments about your job? Yeah, they're assholes. I'm sorry about that." Utena smacked him comfortably on the shoulder.

He shrugged. "It's whatever. Your aunt and uncle were nice at least." He looked over at Anthy, and he offered her a nervous grin. "But I think you really had the table tonight. I-I don't mean the last part, but the earlier parts."

Anthy was saved from having to respond right away by Utena throwing an unexpectedly strong arm around her shoulders. "That's Anthy for you. She can work a room like no one else," the firefighter said proudly.

"I appreciate the praise, but it wasn't all that." The witch directed the statement to the room at large, feigning modesty.

"It was, though," Danny said, admiringly. "I've never seen anything like that before."

"So when are you taking off?" Utena asked after a moment of silence masked by eating cheesecake.

"Ah, I was actually planning on leaving in the next few minutes. I would stay, but it's getting late already and I don't want to be too tired for the drive back." He looked regretful, like he genuinely wanted to stay and play with fire for the rest for the evening. Anthy supposed she should applaud his prevailing sense of self-preservation. Her patience had well-defined limits.

"Aw man," Utena whined, thoroughly disappointed. She set her plate down to give the man a hug. "I miss you, you loser. You need to come out and see me more often."

"If I ever get a free weekend not on a holy day," Danny promised, returning the embrace enthusiastically. Anthy wondered how long he would last if he were a field mouse. "We'll figure something out one of these days." The pair separated then. He looked at the witch and smiled politely. "It was nice to meet you, Anthy."

"A pleasure," Anthy managed to say with minimal ice. Of course, he didn't notice.

He patted Utena on the arm, and his hand lingered there two seconds too long to be casual. "I'll be going now. Just gotta say goodbye to everyone else."

"Alright, buddy. I'll see you later," Utena told him with another, much more platonic, pat on the back.

Danny took his leave then, and with him left the sour taste in Anthy's mouth. She sighed silently. Even when she knew she should have, she didn't hold back an ounce of her contempt for the man. Maybe that level of compassion was beyond her.

The witch chose not to hold off after finishing her cheesecake. Utena was not so restrained, but that was no surprise. She sampled some of everything, stuffing her mouth with large forkfuls of pie.

"Babe, 'ja try tha pumpkin?" She asked Anthy, holding out her plate. It was cute and silly, and enough to cheer the witch up again.

"No, thank you, darling," she responded kindly.

"Huh, y'ur losh then," Utena said through another mouthful. And then she yelped when Karolina smacked the back of her head with a folded newspaper. Anthy had, of course, seen the woman enter, but she chose not to say anything.

"What. Have I. Told. You. About! Speaking! With! Your mouth full!" She punctuated each word with another smack from the newspaper, and her accent was especially prevalent.

Utena swallowed and indignantly rubbed the back of her head. "Mamá!" She whined angrily, but Karolina had already walked over to Anthy. The witch was mildly surprised when the younger woman took her hand in hers.

"I am so sorry if you were made uncomfortable at dinner tonight, Anthy. This one," she indicated Utena with a sharp nod, "didn't tell us anything at all about you, so we had no idea. Oh, I hope you don't think us all rude and ill-mannered."

Anthy smile genuinely. "Don't worry at all, Karolina. I wasn't bothered in the least. It's not the best topic to discuss at dinner, certainly, but it's nothing to fret over."

"You are so sweet," Karolina said, patting the witch's cheek. "I'm so happy you and my daughter was able to find each other after so long. I hope that you make each other very happy."

"I hope so too, ma'am." Anthy smiled warmly at Utena. "I think we will." Utena smiled back.

Karolina made a cooing sound of delight and drew Anthy into an unexpected hug. As they were similar in height, it wasn't as awkward as it could have been. The witch was caught off guard for a brief moment, but recovered to return the embrace lightly. Beside them, Utena seemed to be quivering with delight.

"Karolina!" Someone, likely Takahiro, called from the other room.

"Coming, dear!" The woman called back. "I have to go see what he needs now, but I'm glad that I got to speak with you, Anthy."

"I'm glad as well. I would never want you to think I didn't enjoy myself this evening."

"Oh, I'm so relieved!" Karolina squeezed the witch's hands. "Now I have to go, though. Utena, make sure you turn the heater on before you got to bed. Don't forget." With a commanding point, she departed from the kitchen.

Utena looked annoyed at the order to turn the heater. "This is the third time she's reminded me," she grumbled. "That damn thing is old, and loud, and I always feel like it's going to explode in the middle of the night." Looking over at Anthy, she speared at her pie and continued, "She said she saw goose bumps on your arms earlier and doesn't want you to be cold in the room. It's not like _I'm_ going to be there or anything."

Anthy's laugh was lilting and teasing. Realizing what she had said, Utena turned pink, and looked away in embarrassment. "What?" She snapped defensively. "It's true!"

"It is," Anthy agreed. Another fit of audacity struck her, and she sauntered over to her love and slid neatly up against her. "You keep me very warm at night, darling," she murmured, standing on her toes to put her lips against Utena's ear. Utena shivered, and Anthy vaguely heard a plate being set on the counter, no doubt before it crashed to the floor. The witch rubbed Utena's chest under the collar of her shirt, fingers tracing collarbones and dipping into the hollow of the throat with a feather-light touch. Smiling wickedly, she playfully scratched there, and Utena let out a sharp puff of air.

"A-Anthy," she said breathlessly, and the witch experienced a sensation she once only felt at her most vindictive: _power_. "B-babe, if you wanna make out, we should really go upstairs." How amazing; Anthy was only touching her, not ever kissing her, yet the taller woman was in such a state, struggling to keep a hold on her instinctive urges. How glorious.

"Oh?" Anthy said, pretending to pout. "But you seemed ready when Sonya was here." She was teasing, of course, but Utena spluttered cutely.

"Tha-that was because, uh, I wanted to scare her off. And we weren't making out then…"

"You know," Anthy purred. "Not so long ago, eating food from another's hand was considered a very intimate act." She punctuated this statement with a kiss to Utena's thudding pulse point. "Decidedly sexual."

"That was then, back in olden days."

The witch exaggerated her pout. "Are you saying you didn't like being fed by me?"

"Hey, I never said that!" Utena proclaimed. "This is kinky stuff though, babe." _Kinky? If I hadn't thought she was innocent before…_ "Can we wait until we go upstairs, Anthy, please?"

Anthy let out a melodramatic sigh. "If that's what you wish." Quick as a snake, she slipped out of Utena's arms, grabbing her abandoned plate of pie for herself.

"Hey!" Utena protested loudly.

 

Eventually, the gathering came to an end. Roza, Petyr, Sonya, and Adrian chose not to stay, saying they would be around for breakfast the next morning (another tradition, Anthy had discerned). Utena and Anthy left Takahiro and Karolina sitting together quietly in the family room and retreated upstairs. Once inside, the taller woman stretched mightily and began to shrug off her clothes. Anthy did the same. The heat of lust from earlier had simmered down, both women feeling more tired than excited. The hall bathroom was small, so Utena went to use the one downstairs.

Anthy fished out her little plastic toothbrush and toothpaste. She brushed her teeth silently, pondering the quiet state of the house and its neighborhood. Things were remarkably still. The swirling, conflicting energies of several dozen individuals were subdued. Anthy had been aware of the noise throughout the day. It was there in the back of her mind and vibrating lightly against her skin, easily ignored but constantly present. In the city, it was never so calm. Even the deadest hour of the night at best offered a dull roar. She thought back on Ohtori, and shivered involuntarily. The magical atmosphere of this neighborhood was loose and calm, the city's was like the chaotic hum and boom of a bass, but Ohtori had been like living in a beehive where Anthy was the unwilling and captive queen. She had been numb to it at the time, but now that she was out, the memory alone was enough to make her feel faint. Anthy placed a hand on the counter, just in case, and braced herself on the wall when she went to rinse her mouth.

It was a tougher feeling to shake than Anthy had hoped. She rubbed her arms and winced at the goose bumps she could feel. It wasn't from the cold as Karolina had thought, but from the shudders of anxiety crawling like spiders over her skin. She'd been having more moments like this in the past week. It was always little things, and the discomfort never lasted long, but she was becoming concerned. Why now?

"Anthy?" The witch jumped at the sound of Utena's voice so close. She turned to find the woman standing just outside the bathroom, waiting for her. She looked lovely in her dark sleep pants and threadbare, long sleeve shirt. Anthy went to her and pressed into her open arms. "Oh, babe, you really are covered in goose bumps! Do you want me to turn the heater on after all?"

"I would appreciate that, dearest," Anthy said, when in reality all she needed was this feeling of security, resting in Utena's arms.

They went back to the room and Utena spent a minute managing the heater while Anthy lounged on the bed. She had a book in her hand and was debating reading it, hoping that time and a task would help her sleep soundly. Utena was talking about the evening and how it had passed. Anthy listened to her with half a mind as the other woman expressed surprise that her cousins had been as quiet as they were. Apparently other gatherings had been much less tame, and the witch supposed it was entirely due to her influence that her foes had fought so softly and lost without major fanfare. A boon, that.

"I hope Danny can stop by for real one of these days. I never get to see him anymore…"

The mention of that bumbling child was the final straw of sorts. The witch was still so on edge that she found herself speaking before she could think better of it.

"Danny is in love with you," Anthy said. Her words hung in the open space of the room like a sudden miasma, or an unexpected increase in the weight of the air.

Utena paused where she stood next to the heater, her hand resting on the temperature nob. Her shoulders were slumped, but visibly tense. "What?"

"Danny is in love with you," Anthy repeated, watching the other woman's every movement.

Utena straightened up slowly, and when she turned around, her expression was closed off. "Don't be silly," she said softly, and finally.

The witch would not be dissuaded. "You know that it's true."

"It's _not_ true," Utena contradicted sharply, and the denial shot out like the release of a tight spring. The woman looked away from Anthy to turn on the heater with a harsh flick of her wrist. She was instantly, extremely agitated. She desperately didn't want to have this conversation. But Anthy waited and watched, yielding nothing, and eventually she gave in. "Danny is only in love with the idea of me," she said, the words grating softly between her teeth. "I'm not what he really wants."

_She believes that_ , Anthy thought. _She's thought about it, but she doesn't really understand him. She doesn't see. I do_. The looks, the touches he tried to sneak under the guise of being friendly, that hug; all of it was very clear to Anthy, as was the fact that Utena remained as oblivious and stubborn as she had always been. "You're wrong," she said simply.

"Why does it matter?" Utena shot back, pinning Anthy with a questioning stare that was hard and tinged with anger. There was tense silence for several seconds, but then comprehension dawned on the woman. "Are you… jealous?" Utena sounded surprised, like she couldn't imagine such a thing. And perhaps she couldn't. Jealousy wasn't an emotion the Rose Bride was allowed to express, and Anthy still hid much of herself despite being free of the dress and the Swords. Utena also sounded hurt when she spoke. "Don't you understand why I'm with you?"

Anthy flinched minutely. She did understand. She knew Utena's feelings for her were true. She knew that she shouldn't be asking these things about Danny over simply putting faith in her beloved. But, Anthy's faith was a hard thing to win, and though Utena had won it, moments like this still occurred. Maybe it was because of what happened in the bathroom. She was still anxious and she was lashing out. As it was, she looked away without responding, unable to take the emotion in Utena's eyes pinning to her place. She shouldn't have done this. Why had she?

Footsteps, and then a gentle hand was turning her head straight again. She didn't look at Utena, positioning her gaze on the carpet of the room. Utena didn't press at first, but she lowered herself onto the bed where she couldn't be avoided for long. "You do understand that I love you, right? I love you and I'm in love with you. If I was in love with Danny," (skies, perish the thought), "I would be with Danny. But I'm with you."

"I know that," Anthy muttered softly, guiltily. She still didn't look up.

"Then why are you bringing this up? I'm already aware of Danny." _No, you aren't_. Anthy thought. _You have no idea. You are not capable of comprehending how he feels, nor can you imagine what it is like to be him. To be me…_ "Anthy?" Utena pressed against her silence. "What's wrong? What is all this?"

Anthy retreated out of fear. "Nothing," she said. "Forget about it. It was silly of me to bring it up."

"Clearly it wasn't or you wouldn't have," Utena argued, uncompromising. "What am I missing here? Tell me," she pleaded fervently. "Did something happen? Did someone say something to you?"

"No," Anthy dismissed with a soft scoff. "No one here would have dared." She swallowed thickly against the pain in her throat, unwelcome, unwarranted, and much too common as of late. "I… I just… No, this is ridiculous!" She tore away abruptly and got off the bed under the pretense of setting her book on the counter. Unfortunately, Utena followed her, on her heels like a hunting dog.

"No it's not!" She insisted passionately, coming out in front of Anthy and setting her hands on her shoulders. "Anthy, you can talk to me. You can tell me what's bothering you. Don't you trust me?"

"I do trust you," Anthy mumbled, and _she did_. She did trust Utena. That was why she was so afraid. Oh skies, why was this happening _now_? One little bad moment and now she was doing _this_? It didn't make sense. It was idiotic and irrational and _reckless_. _Is that what I've become? Or is it what I always was?_

"Then talk to me," Utena begged, rubbing Anthy's shoulders in a futile attempt to work away the tightness.

Anthy's just wanted this night to end. It was far too late to forget about the things they had both said. What was the phrase? "The only way out of hell is through"? Yes, she trusted Utena so much that it was terrifying… but this was _Utena_ after all. If the witch could not place her faith in this noble heroine, then everything would truly be lost. Utena had seen her at far worse times than this, and she hadn't been put off (at least, not for long). If Anthy could not trust her, then why did she even leave that wretched coffin?

So, she tried. The conviction was hard to retain, but she bit back cowardice with gnashing teeth. "You know you're…" Her voice faded out, but with effort she brought it back. "You know you're all that I… have, don't you?" She glanced upward once, and quickly. Utena blinked at her, her mouth slightly agape. "I don't… _skies_ … I've never had things of my own. Not really. Dios was never mine, not even at the end. The rags on my body, the bands on my arms, they never belonged to me. They were given to me; I never chose them. Akio owned me, not the other way around. The duelists were the same. Even the secrets… countless secrets that they shared with me weren't mine to keep. My body was never mine, not with the sword of Dios sheathed within it, not with every champion claiming it for their own… The Rose Bride does not get to have things. She is the one to be had. I'm not her anymore but you're still… the only thing that's mine."

"What about Chu Chu?" Utena asked softly, her words tinged with fearful hope, but Anthy merely shook her head.

"Chu Chu stays because he is bound to me. That doesn't make him mine."

"I think he would disagree with that," Utena said. She squeezed Anthy's shoulders gently, exhaling through her nose and thinking while the witch waited with bated breath. "Were you… afraid that Danny was going to take me from you?" Again, there was a hint of hurt in her words.

"No," Anthy said, flushing in shame. "Not really. But all the same, he wanted to take you from me. He wanted you, and I hated him for it. That was selfish of me. I am selfish to my core." She wrung her hands together, fidgeting. "I even knew it for what it was, told myself not to do anything, and still…" She let out a breathless, mirthless laugh. "You love someone who can't stand to watch you interact with others, does that bother you?"

"I don't believe that's true, so no," Utena said. "Anthy, I'm not going to try and pretend I know or understand what you were thinking. I really don't." _Well, at least she's honest_. "But you don't have to worry about Danny, or anyone else, in any sense. I know where I want to be. I also know that, whatever you were thinking, it scared you. And now I suppose that it must have been building up all day, and I didn't notice. I'm sorry for that."

"I hid it from you," Anthy admitted.

"That doesn't change things. You're my friend and my girlfriend. I'm supposed to notice that stuff. I'm supposed to notice ahead of time when something upsets you, but I missed whatever happened completely."

"It was in the bathroom," Anthy told her, speaking almost too softly to be heard.

"Do you want to talk about that?" (Interesting how she was asking now instead of demanding, begging. The witch supposed that once the biggest hurdle had been overcome, Utena felt she could afford to be more passive.)

Anthy had already said too much. Exposing her heart like that, she felt utterly naked and vulnerable. It hadn't ended in pain or violence. Utena was, as ever, worthy of every ounce of confidence Anthy could give her. Still, she felt the overpowering need to pull back in on herself, so she shook her head no.

"Okay," Utena conceded. "Will you come to bed with me now, please?" She asked after a moment of contemplation.

Anthy considered it. "Yes," she said, with only a bit of reluctance. Utena ran her hands down Anthy's arms to take the woman's hands, after gently taking the book and setting it down. Slowly, they went back to the bed and got in on their respective sides. Anthy was unsure of what to do, but Utena made the decision for her. The other woman turned immediately to face the witch, holding her hand in both of hers. She didn't try anything more than that, giving Anthy some noticeable space. Neither of them said anything for a long time. The witch was considering turning off the lights at last when Utena finally spoke.

"You know I'd never claim to be the smartest person on Earth," she started, "but I do believe that you don't know yourself as well as you think you do," Utena murmured, and she smiled slightly. Anthy watched, confused. "You don't see the things that I see in you, the goodness and the light, the kindness, but we can work on that." _What foolishness is…?_ "Also, the Rose Bride might not have been allowed to have things, but like you said, you aren't her anymore. You can have almost anything you want. I promise it's all right there at your fingertips, Anthy. You have me, and you're not going to lose me." This time, she smiled fully and brightly. "You're stuck with me now. You couldn't make me leave if you tried. And, if you want something else, just ask for it. It's that easy."

"I would be told no," Anthy countered.

"You might be," Utena conceded. "The world won't be your yes-man. But," she said with a small but confident grin. "I imagine you'll get along more than fine. You've got _it_."

" _It_?"

" _It_." Utena repeated, smirking proudly.

Anthy had no idea what she was talking about, so she decided it was best not to question it. She did, however, ask, "Why do you believe in me?"

Utena's gaze was warm and loving. "Because I've seen you," she stated simply. "Mind if I turn the light off?"

"…Of course not." Utena reached her over to flick the switch off the lamp on the bedside table before doing the same on her own side.

"Come here," Utena beckoned softly, but Anthy barely had time to react before she was pulled into a gentle embrace. She must have thought better of keeping a distance. The witch remained stiff at first, but faced with the warmth of Utena's body, she found herself reluctantly relaxing. "That's better," Utena murmured, already sounding half-asleep. "Try not to worry so much, babe. It's not good for you."

"I was created to worry," Anthy said softly, but there was no response. _How can she do that?_ The witch resigned herself to silence, listening to the other woman's slow breathing. Left by herself, her thoughts took a turn. She wondered grimly about everything that had just transpired. The jealousy, and the fight. It _had_ been a fight, hadn't it? Not their first, certainly, but they had never confronted each other so openly before. And it was all because Anthy couldn't control herself. She was embarrassed of her actions, angry and ashamed. She was also confused. The question of _Why now?_ continued to haunt her. What had caused her to lose her composure so abruptly? Why was she feeling nervous and scared, lightheaded and winded, when she thought of the past? This had never happened before. What was the cause?

Nothing immediately came to mind. She thought harder, going over any and every possibility. It couldn't be anything about Utena. Utena was her only refuge in moments like that. It wasn't anything magical that she could perceive. No curse or malevolent charm had been cast on her.  Nothing seemed amiss in their home. She spent so much time there that she would instantly know if something was wrong. Then maybe…

It occurred to her then. What had Utena talked about the other day? About leaving the apartment and walking around? Maybe that was the solution. Maybe that was what she really needed. The thought was frightening. All of those people (strangers, enemies), all of that noise… Her hand clenched into a fist, grasping a wad of bed sheet. She wasn't sure she had the courage to face them. She wasn't a brave person, sparse moments aside. But if this isolation was the cause of her recent outbursts, then she had to take the necessary steps to escape it. What could she do, though? She didn't think she would last long just wandering about aimlessly. She needed a purpose, a concrete reason to go outside, but what? There was nowhere left to travel to, nowhere she needed to search in hopes of finding her wayward champion. All of that was over now, and she was left without a goal to keep her moving forward.

Well, she had to find a new one, didn't she? But what? _But what?_

The night settled with increasing weight as she pondered this problem. She found that she didn't mind so much. The silence lent itself well to thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look out for a shift in perspective next time!


	7. 101 Dalmatians

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. School's out again. Theoretically, this means I'll be able to spend more time cranking out this fic. We'll see how that goes.
> 
> This one isn't the hulking titan that the last chapter was, but I hope it will be enough to satisfy.

A week passed from Thanksgiving, and December rode in on its usual bitter breeze. Utena lifted her gloved hands to her mouth and blew on them as she struggled against a strong headwind on the way back to the apartment. It wasn't a long walk, but the wind and the cold made it seem eternal, not to mention the deep growls her stomach was making. The firefighter found herself inadvertently mulling over what had transpired at her parents' house the other day. It wasn't a happy train of thought, but it had been nagging at her since the drive back, demanding her attention.

Everything had seemed to go well at the time. Anthy was winning over everyone in Utena's family and absolutely cunt-punting anyone that tried to act out of line. Watching it had made Utena very proud and viciously pleased. Dinner went very well, and even the awkward questions about Akio didn't seem to shake Anthy. Getting chewed out by her mother afterward hadn't been fun, but Utena's reasoning was sound and nothing would convince her otherwise. She had hoped to steer away any conversation that veered too close to the subject, but when Uncle Petyr started asking about Ohtori directly, she couldn't find a way to subtly change the subject. Thus, she was left having to watch Anthy smoothly handle everything, all while feeling a knot of dread in her stomach as things moved further and further out of her control. She'd felt guilty at the time, despite Anthy's insistence that it hadn't been an issue. Now, in retrospect, she wondered just how sincere Anthy had been in her reassurances.

The outburst---Utena didn't like that word; it felt wrong for the situation---was, of course, completely unexpected. The accusations---that wasn't the right word either---the admission of jealousy, and then the personal feelings that Anthy had revealed with such difficulty; they haunted Utena's mind as she turned onto the next block.

Danny made Anthy jealous, _Danny_ of all people. Anthy was jealous because she was afraid. Utena was sure of that, whether it was really because of Danny or not. Anthy was afraid, and she was reacting badly to it. Utena counted a hundred possible reasons why, and too many fit with what Anthy revealed about herself and her past. Anthy was scared of losing her to someone else. A ridiculous fear, but Utena supposed she could understand where it came from. Anthy had said that nothing belonged to her before Utena, and the other woman believed it.

She felt an annoying stinging in her eyes when she thought of the former Rose Bride and her deprived life, existing with nothing to her name, not even enough to hold her to the physical world in some instances. Like a ghost. _Transient_ , Utena thought proudly when she remembered the word. It had been on an old word-of-the-day calendar she'd had years ago.

_No longer the Rose Bride_ , she pondered sadly. _That should mean something beyond existing as more than a phantom_. Anthy needed something more, something else to tie her to her life. Yet, at the same time, Anthy's freedom was very new after god knows how many years of imprisonment. She was clearly still adjusting to her new situation, with more success in certain areas than others. Utena was hesitant to make real suggestions. Yes, she encouraged Anthy to go outside, explore, and grow the scope of her world, but she was scared to propose any specific course of action. Who could say what might tear up an old wound, turn a hairline fracture into a shattered bone, or infect a healing burn? One wrong step could send Anthy falling, maybe beyond the point that she could ever recover again. Utena shuddered at the thought. Still, they wouldn't make any progress at all if they just sat around, too afraid to try anything. "What a conundrum," she murmured, remembering another word from that calendar.

Her worried musings carried her the rest of the way back to her apartment. She breathed a sigh of relief when she entered the warm lobby, crossing to the rickety old elevator and pressing the button for her floor. Creaking and shuddering, it carried her upwards as she tried to cheer up, at least on the surface.

She walked in to the apartment to find Anthy mulling over newspapers at the kitchen table. She had a pen out and was circling certain parts. Utena realized that it was the ad section.

"Are you looking at jobs?" She asked as she pulled out the open chair and sat down. She had to lift up her arm to let Chu Chu through with a pen of his own.

"Yes…" Anthy said slowly as she scanned a column. "I heard that they offer jobs in newspapers these days, so I thought I might look at them." She glanced up briefly and then went back to scanning. "I thought I might take you up on your challenge."

"Did I issue a challenge?" Utena didn't remember anything like that. Was she talking about that night?

"Yes," Anthy confirmed. She sat back. "You said I should try to get out more. I thought I just might."

_Hmm_. Utena picked up a paper. "Well, what have you been looking at?" She asked cautiously.

"There are so many," Anthy said, sounding genuinely surprised. There was wonder in her voice. Utena couldn't say she had heard that before. _How would she react if she knew how many jobs were posted online?_ "But I was thinking about putting in an application to that flower shop down the street. It says here that they're looking for help." She pointed to the passage in question. The ink circle around that was especially thick. "I was also considering this grocery store. They say they offer $7.25 an hour. Sounded promising…"

Utena's brow furrowed, and rightly so, but Anthy continued on without noticing. It wasn't until Utena gently took the newspaper from her and commandeered Chu Chu's pen that her girlfriend quieted. Utena used the pen and put an X over the grocery store ad as well as any other ads that advertised $7.25 an hour.

"What are you doing?" Anthy asked, and she sounded mildly affronted. Utena looked up at her. She didn't want to burst her bubble, especially when the older woman sounded so active and even excited, but she had to make her aware of this if nothing else.

"Babe, do you know what minimum wage is?"

"Minimum wage?" Utena's prediction was correct. Anthy looked confused. She was innocent in this, still unaware of many inner workings of the mundane, even after nine years.

Utena sighed. "Minimum wage is the lowest legal wage an employer can offer an employee. It's the lowest of the low in this country. It's almost not enough to live on."

"So what… are you saying?" Anthy asked.

"I'm saying that you shouldn't waste your time with jobs like that when there are better options." Utena paused. "You could also wait. There's no need to jump in so quickly. We're not rich but we won't be out on the street any time soon."

"What are you saying?" _That again. How to answer_ …

"Just that, you don't need to worry about things here, if you are. You can just relax if you want. Take it slow, you know?"

"Are you saying I shouldn't look for a job?" Uh oh, it was a trap. Utena had never been very good at avoiding those. Let's see if she could get out of this one. The firefighter turned back to her, frowning. Anthy was watching her carefully, showing nothing, but no doubt cataloguing every word and reaction. Once upon a time, Utena wouldn't have noticed cues like that, but she wasn't an oblivious teenager anymore.

"No," she said firmly. "I'm saying that you should be careful not to do too much too soon. You're strong, Anthy, but everyone has their limits. They can be difficult to change. I don't want to see you crash and burn."

"Crash and burn?"

"It's an expression. Look, jobs are good, but they're tough. Jobs like these, where you have to deal with and talk to people every day, they can be difficult. You admitted yourself that you have a problem with crowds. Jobs like these are crowds all the time. If you're still having problems with that, jumping into a job like this honestly isn't going to help you. It might actually make it worse." Utena ran a hand through her hair. "It's good to do things slowly every once and a while. And don't say 'I told you so', because I already know."

"Baby steps. Isn't that what you said?" Anthy was still watching her, waiting to see if she would say something stupid and ruin this or maybe make it through cleanly after all.

"That's right," Utena said, standing resolved. Her expression softened. "I want you to be able to do everything you've ever wanted. I'll do what's in my power to get you there. But there is something to be said for caution, acting responsibly." She smiled shyly. "I know that's a strange thing to hear from me. I know you want to tell me to take my own advice; I can see it in your eyes. I think that this must be in some part because of what happened last week, and I just want you to take things at a good pace."

Anthy sat back, and she seemed to be mulling over something. She glanced down at the table and then to the pen still resting in her hand. Utena waited, feeling a little strange just standing there. It seemed like several minutes had passed before Anthy finally looked up at her; it couldn't have been, surely, but it felt that way.

"So what would you suggest?" Anthy asked slowly.

Utena let out a breath through her nose, thinking quickly and carefully. When the idea came to her, she snapped her fingers. "I might know a good place for you to apply," she said. "I gotta take a walk. I'll be back in a bit."

"Should I order something for us?" Anthy asked as she watched her girlfriend grab her coat.

"Yeah, that'd be great," Utena said as she tied her shoes. "I shouldn't be gone too long. 30 minutes tops. You should give some thought to your resume while I'm out."

She was halfway out the door when she heard Anthy mutter, "Resume?"

_Oh boy_.

 

Four days later, Anthy was standing in front the Fair Friends Animal Clinic. She was dressed in a pretty pink suit and jacket that Utena had never seen before. Her hair was up in a ponytail; at least as much as a single hair tie could bind such a powerful mane. She was wearing the cute little beret she had worn on the day they had first found each other again. She wore white shoes that, amazingly, miraculously, managed not to get dirty at all on the walk down here. _Probably magic_ , Utena thought. She looked up to watch Anthy's face. _She might not even know she's doing it_.

Anthy's expression was one of unadulterated apprehension, bordering on fear. Her posture was tense and she was standing very still. She was clutching a manila folder to her chest. It held her resume, a hastily constructed thing that they had spent a full evening poring over. The paper didn't look too bad, all things considered, but Utena was concerned about the amount of information Anthy seemed to make up out of the blue. She was also worried that the paper would horribly deform if her girlfriend held it to her body any tighter.

"Anthy," Utena said gently, putting a hand on her shoulder. "What is it?"

Anthy looked down at the street, and her hands were shaking. "You were right," she murmured, almost too softly for Utena to catch. "I'm not ready for this yet." Anthy's self-defeating habit was becoming increasingly noticeable.

Utena stepped in front of her and lifted up Anthy's chin. Utena smiled reassuringly. "Crowds are no good, I know. They might not be for some time yet. But fortunately, this job doesn't handle crowds. Of people anyway." She mimicked exaggerated breathing motions. "Take a deep breath. You're going to be great. Look," she said, pointing to the window of the clinic and into the clinic itself. "There's a grand total of six people in that waiting room, and that's it. And look at those dogs." Utena wrapped an arm around Anthy's shoulders and smiled brightly. "Look at that big blonde one. Isn't she beautiful? Or, ooo, look at that little guy in the cage. He must be riled up about something cuz he's barking like crazy. Heh, I feel kind of embarrassed for his owner. And there's---" She was cut off when she heard a soft, shaky laugh.

Anthy was laughing, leaning against Utena. The sound was a little breathless and it stuttered, matching the shaking in the older woman's shoulders. Utena waited, lowering her hand.

The woman next to her carefully dabbed tears out of the corner of her eyes and looked up with a smile. "Thank you," she said turning to embrace Utena fully. The firefighter returned it, still trying not to squish the documents in between them.

"You're going to do great, babe," Utena repeated encouragingly. "Just wow them like you do everyone else. It's natural for you."

"Thank you, darling." Visibly gathering herself, Anthy smiled at her girlfriend before turning back to the door of the clinic. "I guess I'll be done in half an hour. That's how long these take, right?"

"On average, yeah. I'll get us something to eat while you're in there. Gilardi's okay?"

"Yes, that will be fine."

"Okay, I'll see you in a little bit." One last grin, tinged with nerves, and then Anthy practically marched up to the glass door and went inside. Utena stayed standing on the sidewalk for another second or two, and then she began her walk down to the restaurant.

The delicious smell of sandwiches, a little bickering with George, and enjoying the heat of the room left her feeling more cheerful. She waited to order the food until it was closer to time and when it came out she grabbed the bag and strolled out of the shop. Arriving at the clinic again, she leaned against a parking meter and checked her watch as she thought over what was going on.

She chose the clinic because it was the least of many evils. Anthy didn't like people, but she loved animals. She knew how to take care of animals, and Utena had never seen her happier at Ohtori than when she was with her unusual pets. Come to think of it, all she ever had were unusual pets. Weird even. _Fitting_ , she thought, and smiled. _Weird pets for a weird girl_.

Who could say if this kind of job would suit Anthy in the slightest? The Rose Bride would have put up with anything, _did_ put up with anything, but what could _Anthy_ handle? Utena sighed, checking her watch a second time. She supposed they would just have to wait and see.

 

Anthy emerged from the clinic fifteen minutes later, and Utena pushed off the parking meter where she had been waiting. She watched her girlfriend's face carefully as she approached her. Anthy noticed, and to Utena's surprise, she started to laugh. The dark woman's free hand hovered over her mouth as she laughed openly. Utena was relieved, and she smiled as she wrapped her arms around Anthy.

"What're you giggling about, missy?" She said, in a funny accent that made Anthy laugh harder into her shoulder. People looked their way oddly, but Utena ignored them. Anthy pulled back and kissed her on the cheek.

"Your face," she chuckled. "Were you worried for me, Utena?"

The firefighter shrugged. "Not too much. Just wanted to know you were okay." She kissed Anthy's temple, eliciting a peaceful sigh from the witch.

"Thank you for your concern, my love. But you were right. It went swimmingly. I feel… _good_."

"Glad to hear it. Hopefully, you'll hear back from them soon. Meantime, you still hungry?"

 

Anthy got the job. It didn't surprise Utena in the slightest, of course, but she was surprised at just how quick the call back was. She supposed Anthy, in her special way, made a better impression than most.

She started the following Monday, walking with a barely perceptible bounce in her step that made Utena smile. Anthy was excited, nervous yet happy, and seeing it was so new and wonderful that Utena couldn't help but bounce too. Her worries had been replaced with cautious optimism, knowing that Anthy would thrive in an environment with more animals than people. Anthy still wasn't quite comfortable walking outside alone, so Utena accompanied her on her own way to work. When they arrived at the clinic, Anthy turned around to face Utena and took a careful breath.

Utena smiled encouragingly and rubbed her shoulders. "Are you ready?" She asked.

Anthy exhaled and nodded. "Yes."

"Good," Utena said, withdrawing her hands and putting them in her pockets. "If you get some time during your lunch break or something, throw a phone call my way. Let me know how the day is going."

"Of course, darling," Anthy said. After pecking Utena once on the cheek, she turned and walked into the clinic. Utena stood silently for a moment, staring at the door as it slowly closed, before she too turned to continue her way to the firehouse a few blocks down the street.

She pushed through the front door and immediately went over to the dispatch desk, where an older woman sat typing briskly on a keyboard. Her hair was dyed bright orange to hide the gray underneath and she wore exquisite make-up to cover up the little wrinkles that lined her face.

"Morning, Mary Ellen," Utena greeted, leaning against the wall next to the desk.

"Oh, good morning, baby girl!" Mary Ellen responded enthusiastically. Her voice was as rough as the gravel the team tracked in every time they came back from a call. Whenever someone pointed out the irony of her career choice, Mary Ellen would always say " _Smoking is like a first husband: complete trash but hard to throw out._ " Utena thought it made her uniquely qualified for her position as the best damn dispatcher in the county. "Didya have a good Thanksgiving, sweetie?"

Utena shrugged. "As good as ever. What about you? Were you able to see your grandkids?"

"Oh now that's a story!" Mary Ellen said with a laugh. "But you've got no time for that now. Come visit me during lunch. I'll talk your ear off!"

Utena snickered as she was waved off. She walked out of the dispatch office and down the main hallway of the station to where the common area was. She could already see some of her team sitting in the set of couches and armchairs, watching footage from yesterday's rounds on a big flat screen. They looked around when she made noise by pulling out a chair from the lunch table to watch.

"Hey, girl," greeted Henry as he reached one burly arm back to high five her. Next to him was David, who turned around to fist-bump her in way of greeting. In the armchair to the right of the screen sat Antonia, the only other female fighter at their station. Antonia was much like Utena herself, a tall and muscular woman with flowing black hair and golden dark skin denoting her strong Italian heritage.

"You're rolling in a little late this morning, ain't ya?" Antonia commented.

Utena shrugged. "Had to see my girlfriend off to her new job. She's still getting used to the city." _That was putting it mildly_. Utena turned to face the last member of the team present in the room. "Morning, Ricardo," she said, watching the man in the other armchair.

"Morning," he said without looking away from the television screen. No one could kick him for his tone choice, but it was obvious to anyone with ears that he was trying to ignore her. David certainly noticed, and he reached back to give Utena a sympathetic thunk on the back.

Utena sighed softly, trying not to let frustration poison her mood. Ricardo was her ex. Okay, well, not her "ex" exactly. They were never even close to being an item, whatever he may have thought. He was the first part of the double fling Utena had had last summer. They had shared a single night together, both of them drunk and making poor decisions in a dive bar. She regretted it dearly, especially when he seemed to take it as cue to ask her out. She didn't remember much of that night, but she _thought_ she had told him nothing else could happen. In any case, it was far from her finest moment, and Utena worried over how long the ice between them would last. Nothing would change today, though, so she tried to put it aside.

The morning progressed sluggishly, with no calls coming in. Utena had backed out of playing cards with David, instead sitting alone in one of the armchairs, nursing a cup of coffee. She didn't much care for coffee, but had learned to put up with it when she found she couldn’t stomach tea after waking up in the hospital. It took several years for her to overcome that strange aversion, and by then she'd been drinking coffee too long to pull away from it. Tea was still unbearable in summer, which didn't help anything.

She let out a slow, quiet breath. _Summer_. She hated it, and that never failed to make her sad. She didn't remember much of her birth parents anymore, nothing more than half-imagined flashes and approximations, but she remembered that she used to love summer. The sun, the heat, vacations, and all that. But ever since Ohtori, summer was something to be dreaded, a weighty and lingering curse, unavoidable and unforgiving. Utena never felt more alone nor more hopeless than when she could feel the heat in the air and look up into a bright blue sky.

She'd heard of seasonal depression, sure, everyone had, but all of those stories were about winter; scientists talking about vitamin deficiencies and the psychological impact of colder temperatures and less daylight. _Can't relate_ , she thought with bitter humor. Since Ohtori, she preferred the cold. Since Ohtori, she preferred the dark.

The first episode hit hard and fast with the end of May nine years ago. She had been sent to her first foster home, and though most of her memories were hazy she clearly recalled the desolation she felt in every sultry afternoon, the sharp-edged emptiness that she could not explain to anyone, least of all herself. When her mood had begun to improve with the first morning frost, she had rejoiced, thinking the trouble over, only for the next May to drag her back down mercilessly. Each subsequent summer was worse than the last without fail, as her memories returned and the feeling of her loss intensified. Things came to a head this past summer before she ran into Ricardo by chance while getting smashed. Maybe the alcohol was ultimately to blame, but as they drank and talked and fucked, he made her forget her jagged past, her shattered heart, and the rope she had bought from the hardware store just hours earlier. Utena had never told Ricardo exactly what he did for her that night. She wasn't certain how he would respond to such a confession, so she kept it to herself.

Her coffee was getting cold. She grimaced and got up to toss it out. She made a mental note to ask Mary Ellen to buy some tea. She noticed it was lunchtime when she checked her watch, and went to grab the food she had packed. Her phone rang just as she was sitting down at the table. "Hey, babe," she greeted Anthy as her free hand unwrapped her meal.

"Hello, darling." Anthy's lovely voice brought speedy relief to Utena, as it always did. "How are things at the station?"

"Eh, boring, no action yet today. But what about you? Save any fluffy lives yet?" She joked.

Over the line, Anthy giggled. "Nothing so dramatic, just simple appointments."

"Dogs? Cats? Unicorns?" Utena smiled widely as Anthy laughed again.

"If someone brings in a unicorn, you'll be the first to know. Two cats and three dogs. Someone had a _beautiful_ python, but I wasn't able to help with that one."

"Figures you'd be more interested in the unusual pet," Utena teased.

"Oh the dogs and cats were lovely too," Anthy said. "But it's been a busy morning. Did you remember to eat?"

"Eating right now, babe. You?"

"Yes. I only have an hour to eat. Is that common in this world?"

"Kind of, yeah. Most places give you 45 minutes to an hour."

"How quaintly arbitrary," Anthy commented.

Utena chuckled. "Probably don't let your boss hear you say that, just to be safe. Speaking of, how are your coworkers? Things going well?"

"As far as introductions go, yes. They seem… amiable." There was a pause, and Utena could picture Anthy sitting at a table with her phone and her salad and that trademark pensive expression on her face.

"Well, that's good to hear. Do you have to get back to work soon?" She asked after peeking at her watch.

"In a moment," Anthy said. "What shall we do tonight, my love?"

Utena hummed thoughtfully. "You ever seen 101 Dalmatians?"

"That's an oddly specific number of Dalmatians to see tog---"

"No, no, babe! The movie, 101 Dalmatians," Utena clarified with a laugh.

"Oh. Then no, darling, I haven't."

"That's our plan for the evening," Utena said, grinning.

"Very well, Utena. I… look forward to it. But I should get back to my duties. Be safe, my love."

"You too, Anthy. Watch out for Jack Russell Terriers. I hear they like to bite. Love you."

"I love you too. See you soon!"

"Bye," Utena said before she hung up. One conversation with Anthy, and just like that her day was good again. She hoped that never changed. Anthy's voice was like a brisk hand batting away the sadness and frustrations bothering Utena like insects, letting her finish her food in peace. There still hadn't been any calls for their team, so Utena took a little extra time before she went to work on the trucks.

The thought of summer still lingered. Utena wondered what might happen next summer, now that Anthy was here at her side. It was her grief that dragged her down so deep into the abyss, her pain over losing Anthy and her self-loathing over her many failures. The guilt, not unlike a million swords, was pervasive and ever-present. But Anthy was here now. Anthy was here, safe, free, and she didn't blame Utena for what had happened. Amazing, really, that Anthy could be so forgiving, dismissive even, of her mistakes. Utena did not agree, but it was hard to be angry about the warmth and peace forgiveness brought.

Summer was a long ways off, but for the first time in a decade, Utena felt herself looking forward to it. Tentatively, with extreme caution, but with surging hope as well. If she had Anthy, she could survive it. If she had Anthy, she could survive anything. She was sure of that.

Suddenly the bells in the station were ringing, and she jumped to her feet. She strode to the suit-up station and threw on her gear before running out to the trucks. Mary Ellen told them the address over the radio as they peeled out from the garage. Utena settled into her working groove, becoming alert and focused, but not before she had a cheerful thought about 101 Dalmatians.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you guys like seeing things from Utena's perspective? The plan is to follow her thoughts for the next few chapters or so, so I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
